G chat with Amber

me: and you will be rich

its perfect

and I will be a hot celebritay

and I will celebrate your children's weirdality

Sent at 4:22 PM on Wednesday

Amber: how are you getting famous?

playboy?

me: well

not exactly

I will start off as a contestant on The Bachelor

I'll come in like third or fourth but everyone will love and remember and crave more of me

so Hugh will offer me a center fold

I'll deny it

he will offer an obscene amount of money

I deny it still

then there are interviews with me

why did I deny the money

secretly I'm just waiting for him to hit the amount that I want

Amber: you have morals

you do it for free

me: meanwhile

Amber: for the children

the little boys

me: yeah

Amber: and lesbian girls

me: you know me so well

Amber: and that launches your modeling career

and then you transition to actress/singer'

me: ha.

I really was going to say that.

and then I become so famous for my music and acting

that most people forget how I got there

they just know that I belong.

Amber: and you'll age gracefully like madonna

while coming out with hit movies

and top 10 singles

and doing a spread for playboy every couple of years

me: but then I quit while I'm on top

no Betty White shit

Amber: or hugh

or some twenty year old billionaire

me: I retire while I'm still hot

so people crave me forever.

they always feel unfulfilled

Sent at 4:35 PM on Wednesday

Amber: you're be an eternal legend

with the likes of marilyn monroe

and audrey hepburn

(only a little sluttier than audrey)

me: yeah

but just like Marilyn

same amount of slutiness

Sent at 4:40 PM on Wednesday

me: I think Imma blog this conversation

if that's okay with you

Amber: you have my blessing

me: and your permish

bitsh

Amber: fix my grammatical errors

i've been doing other stuff

me: nope

Amber: DO IT

me: copy and paste.

Amber: people will think i'm an idiot

me: hm

Amber: listen, i'd support you in your nudey career move

me: I know.

Sent at 4:43 PM on Wednesday