This is me.

G chat with Amber

2012-02-01T15:45:00.000-08:00

me: and you will be rich

its perfect

and I will be a hot celebritay

and I will celebrate your children's weirdality

Sent at 4:22 PM on Wednesday

Amber: how are you getting famous?

playboy?

me: well

not exactly

I will start off as a contestant on The Bachelor

I'll come in like third or fourth but everyone will love and remember and crave more of me

so Hugh will offer me a center fold

I'll deny it

he will offer an obscene amount of money

I deny it still

then there are interviews with me

why did I deny the money

secretly I'm just waiting for him to hit the amount that I want

Amber: you have morals

you do it for free

me: meanwhile

Amber: for the children

the little boys

me: yeah

Amber: and lesbian girls

me: you know me so well

Amber: and that launches your modeling career

and then you transition to actress/singer'

me: ha.

I really was going to say that.

and then I become so famous for my music and acting

that most people forget how I got there

they just know that I belong.

Amber: and you'll age gracefully like madonna

while coming out with hit movies

and top 10 singles

and doing a spread for playboy every couple of years

me: but then I quit while I'm on top

no Betty White shit

Amber: or hugh

or some twenty year old billionaire

me: I retire while I'm still hot

so people crave me forever.

they always feel unfulfilled

Sent at 4:35 PM on Wednesday

Amber: you're be an eternal legend

with the likes of marilyn monroe

and audrey hepburn

(only a little sluttier than audrey)

me: yeah

but just like Marilyn

same amount of slutiness

Sent at 4:40 PM on Wednesday

me: I think Imma blog this conversation

if that's okay with you

Amber: you have my blessing

me: and your permish

bitsh

Amber: fix my grammatical errors

i've been doing other stuff

me: nope

Amber: DO IT

me: copy and paste.

Amber: people will think i'm an idiot

me: hm

Amber: listen, i'd support you in your nudey career move

me: I know.

Sent at 4:43 PM on Wednesday

Sometimes you wonder

2012-01-18T21:50:00.000-08:00

Tonight I was working on shift with my little boys. After lights out, I was sitting in the doorway of one of the bedrooms. I have this cute little curly haired boy that was laying in his bed, reading with a flashlight. He kept whispering things to me about what he was reading. Finally, I called him over.

He got up out of bed and with his floppy socks, came towards me and plopped down beside me. We sat in the dark with the brightness of my computer screen lighting our conversation. I asked him how long he was at his last program. About a year and a half. How long has he been with us? About seven months.

Our whisper conversation went like this:

Do you like it here?

Oh yeah, I love it. The staff are awesome, the boys are awesome. The staff are about 90 times better than the staff at my old place. Those other guys were a bunch of d you-know-what's (I try to keep them from saying douche bags...)

Is there anything here that you really hate?

Nope, nothing.

Do you feel like you are getting the help that you need from your therapist?

Oh yeah, we're doing lots of work.

He then looked at me and as if he could read my eyes, he said "I love it here. You're doing a great job, Heather. You're the bomb" and then he held his little fist out to pound it with me.

Sometimes a child can bring more reassurance than all of your peers, friends or family. Moments like these remind me that I love what I do.

January 26, 2008

2012-01-13T00:10:00.000-08:00

Journal Entry

So, Jo Dee Messina was in Sparks, Nevada on Thursday night and Miley and I drove 8 1/2 hours to go see her. It was such a fun trip!

When Miley and I went backstage, I was trying to be funny and Jo Dee just didn't think I was. This is how it went down...she was talking about her new single 'I'm Done' and how she'll be making a music video for it. Just to be funny, I said "Okay Jo Dee, only because you asked me to, I'll be in your video" She said "Um, no...just me and my band will be in the video" I felt like a fool! I was just trying to be funny!

Which is worse?

2011-12-24T23:54:00.000-08:00

Jessa, this post is for you!

As I recall on these two stories, I can't decide which one is worse. They are very different and both are bad for different reasons. But if I had to choose, which one would I choose to repeat?

A few years ago, when I was still in school, as I walked home from campus, the rain was pouring down on me. The only way I managed to make it home without giving up and just sitting in a puddle was by imagining the wonderful bath I would take as soon as I walked in the door. Oh, even the cold droplets couldn't bring down my spirit as I knew that in just a few minutes, I would be naked and soaking in the hot water.

I arrived in my apartment and was incredibly distraught to find that we were out of hot water. I had already stripped of my clothes and was just sitting on the side of the bathtub in my towel. A lack of hot water was not going to stop me from my greatest dream in that moment. I plugged up the drain and put some pots full of water on the stove. I waited until they boiled and carried them, one by one, into the bathroom. The water steamed and sizzled as I poured it into my porcelain jacuzzi. I made this trip several times, each time reveling in the joy that I would soon be in that water. On my very last trip to the kitchen (in just a towel, don't forget), I heard the only sound I didn't want to. Gurgling. I threw the pots into the sink and ran back into the bathroom just in time to see the last of my hot water go down the drain.

Or.

It was just the other night when I was invited to a semi-formal Christmas party. The only person that I knew was the boy that I was going with and because of the situation, I was a bit nervous. The front door opened and I saw immediately that this was a small dinner party for this group of friends ie. everyone knew each other but me. We were greeted quickly and stepped in from the front porch. As soon as I stepped in, I felt a lack of balance. I looked down at my feet to see that my high heel was stuck in the heating vent on the floor. People were half-circled around us and everyone could see that I was stuck. I tried to laugh it off and play it cool but I needed to get my heel out of the vent! I pulled and nothing happened. Pull again, still stuck. I played it off and just announced that I was going to take my shoes off anyway. I kicked off the other heel and stepped out of my shoes.

I continued to greet everyone at the party, despite my desire to just curl up and die. I thought it would be okay to walk around without my shoes on but as I saw that everyone else was still wearing their church shoes and I was looking silly with the flap on the toes of my tights, I knew I needed those shoes back. I waited for the area by the front door to clear but to no avail. Finally, I just walked over, crunched down and tried to get my heel back from the monster that had been holding it hostage. Pull. Pull! PULL! The high heel came up...with the vent attached. Oh my gosh, I could just die. People are watching me! I had to twist and pry the vent (is everyone imagining what this looks like? The vents that are about 12x and 6x and generally are white with metal slats? are you understanding my embarrassment?) and it finally came off the shoe.

I would like to think that the rest of the evening went off without a hitch but I gotta be honest, I never fully recovered from my opening act....and my second act.

When did you find out

2011-12-18T15:41:00.000-08:00

about Santa? How old were you? Who told you? Were you sad? Were you shocked?

I don't remember mine but maybe you can tell me yours. AND! If it's a good enough story, perhaps I will adopt it as my own and start to tell it at Christmas parties for a good laugh.

Who are we?

2011-12-14T20:03:00.000-08:00

There are two of us.

Our names are Mabel and Oakley.

Heather doesn't really know how to work us.

And yet she has and names us.

Who are we?

GUITARS

Babyshitting

2011-12-12T23:46:00.000-08:00

Tonight I watched my niece and nephews.

Owen was asking me if I would play Monopoly with him. I explained that I would not, as that game takes forever and we didn't have all night. He said "my dad taught us a way so we can play in a jippy"

"in a jippy?"

Jack pipes in to help his little brother "Yeah, a jippy is like in no minute, it's so fast!"

Later, I was asking them what they would want for a snack before bed. Owen kept telling me that he wanted pajama bread. What? What is pajama bread? Our discussion went on for too long before he broke it down in idiot language so that I could understand: he wanted me to put jam on bread. And I did.

Kids say that darndest things.

New Years Resolution - 2012

2011-12-09T15:49:00.000-08:00

I have decided but I'm not sure that I like my decision. I still have a few weeks to change my mind but here goes:

My one and only New Years Resolution for 2012 is

No seconds.

Karen and Lindsay

2011-12-08T23:00:00.001-08:00

were the closest.

The reason I love my upstairs bathroom so much is because it's the warmest room in the house. In the morning, after I have skulked out of my warm bed, I love visiting the bathroom so the warm tile heats my feet and the snug air comforts the goosebumps I have after leaving my toasty bed.

Ode yes, the upstairs bathroom.

My favourite

2011-12-05T16:33:00.001-08:00

room in my house is the bathroom. More specifically, the bathroom upstairs.

Can anyone guess why? I need at least ten guesses before I reveal the answer. You know you want to know.

Ice Pack

2011-12-04T22:05:00.001-08:00

As I wrapped a bag of frozen corn with a pair of underwear, I couldn't help but think that it might be time for me to invest in an icepack.

Olive my dinner - get it??

2011-11-27T22:04:00.001-08:00

Last Wednesday, I made a goal; a noble goal, I might add. I decided that since the average American gains between 7 and 10 pounds during the holidays - look it up, it's true. Google doesn't lie - I wanted to gain my 7 on Thanksgiving day.

I woke up the next morning, ready for the challenge. I went running (kinda) and used the bathroom before I jumped on the scale. I was exactly 90 pounds. My goal: to be 97 pounds before I retired that night. By the way, this is my real weight, obviously.

I starved myself that whole morning, ready to feast after the prayer had been said and all of the delicious festive foods were blessed. At my aunt's house, I was delighted to indulge/binge on mashed potatoes and gravy, turkey with cranberry sauce, green bean casserole, candied yams, corn, a vegetable tray, and hot rolls. After stuffing myself with these foods, I knew that I was well on my way. I packed up SEVEN different kinds of pie to take home and eat later (most likely the moment I arrived home).

I jumped on the scale and was happy about the 5.6 pounds I had gained. So close! I feasted on those pies - lemon meringue, pumpkin, chocolate mouse, razzleberry, yum!!! - and drank a lot of water. When I felt like I was so full that I could hibernate for the next several weeks, I trudged up the stairs to my bathroom and pulled out the white scale. I did a quick step (not too quick, I was carrying some food baby weight, obviously) onto the scale until it read 0.0 and hopped on (once again, not really a hop, more of a hobble).

96.4! Though I hadn't quite made my goal, I was proud of myself and went to bed feeling happy and full. Then I woke up.

The wakeup was less than pleasant as I was in fetal position, wrapping my arms around my aching belly. I cursed myself for eating the weight of a small child in food. I committed to never eating again. I cried that it's wasn't worth it. I begged for the stabbing pain to stop.

I ran to my bathroom but didn't make it to the toilet. The sink did just fine. I kept the water running as I heaved and retched into the porcelain basin. And then I felt a little better. I returned to my bed where I couldn't sleep so instead I watched episodes of "Melissa and Joey". I actually have it open in another tab right now, waiting for me to press play. Good show. My dear, sweet Courtney brought me Pepto, applesauce, crackers and sprite and showed me the pity I wan....deserved.

Finally, it was over. I pulled my body out of my bed and went to the bathroom to clean my nasty a mouth and brush the stomach acid out of my teeth. I looked down into my sink and saw something black that was stuck, that wouldn't go past the sink stopper (is that what it's called?). I had no choice but to reach my right hand toward the object and use my index finger and thumb and pinch it out of it's jammed place. I gagged as I realized that it was an almost whole olive that didn't quite make it down. Grossss.

Needless to say, I'm back to my 90 pounds. All for nothin'

Holiday Season

2011-11-19T13:02:00.000-08:00

For me, I feel the real Christmas slash Christian spirit when I do for others this time of year. Though it's been over a year coming, it's happening. I am making a box to send to Fiji. They need it so much more than I need anything over here. I'm really excited to do it.

If you have anything to donate, ANYTHING! Let me know. I'm talking baby clothes, baby toys, regular clothes, old appliances (smallish size), money, blankets, towels, nonperishable foods, games, etc. If you are not sure, ask me. I really want to make this a good box for the people of the small town of Tavua that served me all last summer.

This is what I've got so far. Help me help the people of Fiji have a good Christmas.

Unaware

2011-11-17T10:51:00.000-08:00

Yesterday as I was driving home from work, I was paying attention only to the road (good, right?). I was a little confused when I saw this car pulled over on the side of the freeway and the driver was hanging out her window with a camera aimed toward the west. I glanced to my left to see what she was taking a picture of and was shocked that I hadn't noticed it my whole drive.

I then pulled over and took a pic of my own.

Happy Birthday to my friends

2011-11-13T23:34:00.000-08:00

Tonight I recalled a story from my childhood that I would like to share/remind you of. This is not meant to be sad so don't think it is and don't be sad for me. I love this story.

When I was turning ten (ish), I had planned this fun birthday party for me and all of my friends and I was really excited about it! The day before, I came down with pink eye and was sad that the party wasn't going to happen. First of all, pink eye is super contagious so I certainly couldn't pass it onto my friends. Secondly, why did I get it so much as a child??

I remember having a conversation with my mom about what we were going to do about this situation. She told me that since all of my friends had been looking forward to my party and we already had it all planned out, they were going to still have the party...I just couldn't attend.

When my family left the next day to celebrate my birthday with my friends, I was laying on this giant bear (or maybe it was a dog) watching Goosebumps and my mom brought me an oversized bag of mini snickers to help me get through the day. I gladly waved her goodbye and was excited about hanging out with my best friend tv, eating candy all day and having the house to myself.

Happy Birthday to me.

45th Annual CMA AWARDS

2011-11-09T17:55:00.000-08:00

Here we GOOOOOOOOO! (Said like Oprah)

BLAKE SHELTON! Kenny Loggins looks good! And sounds....okay. The dancers are a little bit obnoxious and probably really tired from dancing the whole song but it was a strong performance and a good opening.

Carrie's dress #1 - bad

Brad looks great. Carrie is a bad actress but the "Family Tradition" song IS SO GOOD! Carrie really is a good singer and I'm already falling in love with Brad. A lovely, lovely start. The barbie sitch was so funny!

Kardashian song, also great. I can't wait to watch this again tomorrow. Or as soon as it's posted tonight.

SINGLE OF THE YEAR: I'm guessing "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry and it's........I WAS RIGHT! 1 right, 0 wrong. Once again, the brother looks like Sandra Bullock and Kimberly has a great dress on. She looks a little like Tea Leoni. Kenzie hates her but since I love the album so much that I kinda like her.

Carrie's dress #2 is just okay.

Keith Urban is now performing. I love when he goes through the audience, it reminds me of the time that he did that when I saw him in concert and I touched him. Yeah, no big deal but I grabbed his shoulder. The left one.

If you ever get the opportunity to see him in concert, you should go. He is really entertaining!

Sara Evans is now singing "Stronger", she is never a good vocalist, I've seen her live enough to know this. But she is beautiful and her voice does have a pure quality to it. What the hell? Why are there acrobats in red ribbons coming out of the ceiling? Sara, odd choice. As she smiles at the end of her performance, I think that she looks like Lauren Graham (Lorelai from Gilmore Girls).

Carrie's dress #3 is bad.

MIRANDA!! Her outfit could be...better but I love her so much that I don't even care. Baggage claim. Kenzie said "She looks HOT, damn!" I could do without the sparkly fringe. "Behind every woman scorned is a man who made her that way" I seriously love that line. She is a strong vocalist, this cannot be denied. The classic headbang. When she says "blow it up in flames" she looks like Natalie Maines. Miranda is probably the succeeding feisty country singer post Natalie, which make me love her more. Also, this is not the first time that she has set the CMA stage on fire. Remember Kerosene? Word vomit, I won't apologize.

I love Kellie Pickler! She is dumb and pretty. This character she is standing by is not bad himself. SONG OF THE YEAR is going to go to....The Band Perry again. This was a big song for them though to be honest, it is overplayed. "You and Tequila" should win just because I love it but for whatever reason, the CMA awards aren't acknowledging what I want to win. That's weird. 2 right, 0 wrong.

Another performance! So many! The Zac Brown Band are now singing a song that is strange to me. I used to hate them but mostly it was because I was denying my heart's true love probably because of Zac Brown's beard.

Rascal Flatts started singing and I walked away. I was called back because Natasha Bedingfield's boobs looked good. We no longer paid attention as we started to talk about the texture of our boobs.

VOCAL DUO will go to Sugarland, as it should. Thompson Square will think they have a shot but they don't. 3 right, 0 wrong. Who is that guy Jennifer just kissed? I must investigate...

Her dress is weird but she pulls it off and I once again notice her eczema on her right arm (always reminds me of you, Ambs).

Eric Church, Thompson Square and Chris Young all performed in a row. Solid performances from all though I didn't love wardrobe choices...okay, I didn't love Eric's wardrobe choices.

Taylor Swift is now singing in what looks like a cozy family room. She's young and cute I guess.

Carrie's dress #4 includes a hat! I like it.

Luke Bryan is now singing and I honestly couldn't care less for him or his dancers. The dancers really bring down the quality of country music I feel, so thanks, Luke, for single-handedly making this genre trashy.

A muppet is now making its debut, Miss Piggy to be exact. Carrie's dress #5 is ugly.

Lady Antebellum is now performing with their fans on stage. I kinda like it. Remember how I met them and Charles was nicer than he is handsome? Possible and true. I feel like they usually get nervous during awards shows and struggle vocally but this was a strong performance for them. They just look like they are having fun and I want to be on that stage with them!

Whoever the World Series MVP Davis Freeze is, he is good looking.

ALBUM OF THE YEAR will go to....The Zac Brown Band?....I was wrong. Kenzie celebrates Jason Aldean's win as I sadly must type 3 right, 1 wrong.

Grace Potter! Oh yeah, and Kenny Chesney. She honestly makes this song what it is and what it is is wonderful. I love this song. Great performance, great pairing, great song. I love her! For those of you that aren't familiar with her (understandably so, she isn't country), she has an album called "Original Soul" and it's good! She also has a song called "Low Road" on an album that I like less but that song is exceptional. Kenzie and Ari keep saying in unison "She's hot"

Carrie's dress #6 is good. Oh, and a little Biebs just made an appearance.

Little Big Town! I feel like they might be one of the most under appreciated groups in the music biz. They are so talented! Lionel Richie has joined them but I don't care, I just love LBT. He also sang with Darius Rucker (dislike) and Rascal Flatts (dislike).

What? Who are these girls singing "If I Die Young"? Oh, they are young musicians from some school that Brad is now talking about. I want to attend that school.

Yes! I love this song! "All My Life" by The Band Perry. Her dress is beautiful. I do like them, I can't deny it.

VOCAL GROUP OF THE YEAR will go to Zac Brown, or Lady A. No, Zac Brown......dammit, it was Lady A. 3 right, 2 wrong. Lady A deserves it, they're great and they have had a successful year. Fair enough.

Sugarland! They are singing with Matt Nathanson and I can already tell it's going to be good. Kenzie was so right when she said "it doesn't matter what she does, she's still cool". I love love love. I had the privilege to see them this summer and it was better than I expected (you can read that in another post). I want to dance like her. I will be watching youtube videos for tutorials. I do not want to dance like him, nor do I ever want to be at a dance where someone is grooving the way that he is. Yuck. and weird.

Brad and Carrie are singing "Remind Me" and Carrie's #7 dress is bad on top, better on bottom. Nevermind, the slit up the dress just ruined it.

NEW ARTIST OF THE YEAR will be The Band Perry.....yes! After all of those wrongs, I was getting too nervous to guess. I'm back on my game with 4 right, 2 wrong. Quick, sweet speech.

Scotty McCreery is a cute little bug.

Jason Aldean performed but I was eating Lucky Charms. Also, I didn't care to watch him. Now they are presenting MALE VOCALIST OF THE YEAR and I think it's Brad's but I'm wrong...Blake Shelton took it home for the second year in a row. He deserves it. 4 right, 3 wrong.

Dress #8 is okay but it looks like summer. Martina is now singing and though she is belting it out like she always does - I mean, this girl delivers each and every time! - her outfit is ugly. Always wearing ugly outfits, Martina...

They are doing a dedication to Glen Campbell and all I know about him is that he has really long fingers. Brad, Vince and Keith (power trio) are singing to/for? him.

Dress #9 is dangling...and since I can use that adjective to describe it, it's not good.

Faith Hill is now performing for the first time in five years! We're loving her, especially Joey, who said that she has "roller coaster hair". Please make a mental image of what your hair would look like after a roller coaster, because that's what Joey thinks Faith's hair looks like right now.

FEMALE VOCALIST OF THE YEAR will go to, please be Miranda....YESSS!!!! Once again, the power couple has won Female and Male Vocalist, they did this last year too. Miranda implied that she and Blake are going to have a good night tonight, that's dirty, I love it. 5 right, 3 wrong.

Dress #10 couldn't be uglier. Really, it's bad.

Reba is presenting and she looks great. She is being inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame and it's about time! This girl was called the Entertainer of the Year the year I was born!

ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR will go to....Blake Shelton??? 5 right and 4 wrong, Taylor Swift apparently entertained us best this year.

That's the end, it was good. Entertaining.

Dixie Chicks "Ready to Run"

2011-11-03T16:09:00.001-07:00

Food Drawer

2011-11-03T16:06:00.000-07:00

is full of water bottles. Guess how many.

Also, Brigette's prize for winning this last one is LUNCH AT CAFE RIO! To be redeemed tomorrow...B?

Doesn't that make you want to guesh?

Halloween at work

2011-10-31T11:31:00.000-07:00

My tooth hurt just looking at this apple.

Half Marathon deets

2011-10-30T19:04:00.000-07:00

DAMN!!

My goal was under 2 1/2 hours!

Now I see why runners keep doing it! I'm SO PROUD!

HEATHER JOHNSON		chip tim 01:56:01	8:52 PACE

Well, here goes. I was waiting for more pictures and to actually know my race time but since I'm laying on a heating pad watching "While You Were Sleeping", I figure that now is as good a time as any.

Friday night, we prepped with a carb load. Claire, Courtney, Lucy and myself (team iRun) went to the Pizza Pie Cafe and stuffed ourselves with noodles, breadsticks and pizza. We tried to eat very little salad while there, obviously.

That night, I slept over at the girls' house, mostly because my roommates are out of town and I was already nervous for the race and I was really feeling like my place was haunted right then. On Court's top bunk, I could barely sleep. I woke up routinely to remind myself that it was only a few hours now.

6:30 came too soon and before I knew it, we were on our way. I'll skip the boring details about how the porta potties smelled terrible from a mile away, the heated tents were packed, it was freezing outside and my tummy rumbled with nerves. Nope, I'll go straight to the meat of the story, the run itself.

At the Start line, mere seconds before they shot the gun, the four of us gathered together for a very informal and quick prayer. Court prayed that we would be "light as feathers" and that none of us would get hurt. After we said our amens, we plugged our ears with our headphones and when the gun shot out, we began. As determined before the race, Lucy and Claire were off and each on their own. Court and I stayed together.

Mile 1 should have been the easiest. It was not five minutes into the run when I felt like my goo packet was falling out of my bra. I lifted my shirt to push it back up, but felt something else instead. I pulled my hand out of my shirt to see that it was slimy and sticky. The goo had exploded in my bra and now three ounces of strawberry banana sludge was smeared all over my chest and oozing down to my stomach. I held my hand out in front of m, fingers widespread and let out a little squeal. Court instructed me to quickly throw away the goo. Good thinking. I pulled out the almost-empty package and chucked it (don't worry Oregonians, people clean up the route after the race for just such occasions). I then tried to lick my hand clean and not let it touch my shirt as I kept running. I determined that at the first water station, I would take my shirt off and use the water to clean myself up. Sticky boobs is not the way to start one's first half marathon.

When we reached the first water station, I realized two things. One, it was incredibly cold outside and any sort of contact with water, especially to such a sensitive area, would freeze me out. Two, by the time I reached this station, the goo had dried and like Elmers glue, had turned a crusty white and had pasted my skin to my bra, and on my stomach, my skin to my shirt. Oh well, better keep going.

Miles 2 through 4 were really hard for me. It was straight downhill and the pain I was feeling in my knee was almost indescribable. The pavement jolted up through my right knee and my running turned to a sort of skip slash limp. I made a deal with Heavenly Father that if He would make my knee not hurt, that I would finish that race without complaint and without stopping. Somewhere before mile 5, my knee was working just right.

Miles 5 through 9 were easy peasy for me. I felt great, we were moving at a quick pace and Court and I were occasionally making jokes with one another. Oh yeah, we could do this. After passing mile marker 9, it got a little harder. We ran and ran and ran and it felt like the longest mile of my life. Where the hell was mile marker 10? I was beginning to doubt that I could do it, four more miles?! Just when I was about to let the despair effect my running, I saw mile marker 12. Now, one would think that I would have been happy to see that I was further than I thought. I wasn't. I was pretty pissed that mile markers 10 and 11 either didn't exist or weren't placed where I could see them.

Okay, just one more mile. Now it didn't matter that my feet hurt, my nose was running, it was hard to breathe and I was just plain tired. Only one more mile. This really was the longest mile of my life. It was in a park on a thin trail that was freckled with everyone trying to pass everyone else to improve their time. It was almost like a stampede. People were on the sidelines cheering for us and that was lovely but where was the Finish line? By the time I saw the banner that told me my misery was about to end (by the way, I was listening to "Walking On Broken Glass as I felt it was appropriate for how my feet felt), I was a mere ten feet away from it. I sprinted and was done.

I was done! I finished! Someone placed a medal around my neck and the apples tasted like candy. Court and I had stayed together the whole time and together, we finished. Lucy and Claire were already at the finish line and for whatever reason, there wasn't a clock. I don't know my time! Isn't that annoying?? I'm waiting for it to come up online but I'm guessing it was around 2:10, which is great because I just wanted under 2:30.

I knew this post would be boring without pictures or my actual race time and I apologize. I'll return to Sandra Bullock and her lie to the Callahan family about being their son's fiance. Pictures to come.

Peace and love and thank you SO MUCH for words of encouragement, texts, etc. I really meant a lot. You guys are seriously great!

I survived

2011-10-29T17:27:00.000-07:00

details to come.

1/2 marathon...gulp

2011-10-27T15:20:00.000-07:00

Only two days now until I have to surrender my body to the enslavement of 13.1 miles. I honestly hope I can survive.

But this post isn't about that - the title is misleading, eh? - this post is about my wonderful sister who thought about me and went out of her way to buy and send me some gear for the run. She sent me running socks, which I was honestly thinking about buying this week as my socks now are not quite doing the yob.

And she sent me a sports bra. And going with tradition (Kenzie understands), I am putting up this here picture. Is it scandalous to do so? I can't tell.

I hope I look this good in....forty hours?

But anyway, THANK YOU ASH! Seriously, the package was so thoughtful and I know that you're busy and I am so appreciative that you did this for me.

Your support means a lot (to my chest!).

Thank you, sister.

arachnophobia

2011-10-22T20:58:00.000-07:00

|əˌraknəˈfōbēə|nounextreme or irrational fear of spiders.

Some might think that my arachnophobia is an irrational fear of spiders. I assure you that it is not. Extreme, absolutely, irrational, not at all.How can I be so sure that it's not irrational? Because I have had the following experiences with spiders:
Just this morning, as I opened my basement door, something fell down. I looked down to see a big, brown spider quickly crawl across the red rug.
Not two minutes later, when I opened my car door, there was a spider on my dashboard. He was never murdered and is probably making webs amongst my blue interior.
One time, I was pouring myself some Kix cereal. I thought I saw something weird come out of the box but told myself that it was nothing. I went to the fridge to get the milk and when I returned to my bowl, a black spider crawled out of my bowl of white, fluffy balls.
When I was in high school, I walked through a spider web and when I looked down, the spider was on the belly of my shirt.
I once was driving to work, wearing a black polo shirt. When I looked down at my shirt, for no apparent reason, I found that there was a spider crawling up, towards my head. In the split second when I was (not watching the road) staring at the monster on me, he was able to get over my button and onto my bare chest.
When I was probably twelve, I put on my very comfortable white, fleece sweater. As I made my way outside, I kept feeling an itch on my arm. I smacked it, rubbed it and finally looked. As you can already guess, there was a spider in my sleeve, crawling up my arm.
As a child, there was a spider in my bed (which reminds me of ANOTHER story). I called for my dad, who ripped the sock off my foot, squashed the spider in it and left the gutsy sock on my bed. Traumatizing.
In Fiji, I went to put on my pajamas to get ready for bed. As I grabbed my jammie shirt, I noticed that there was a giant glob where my left shoulder blade would be (and was the night before). Sporadically throughout the back of that shirt, there were legs, legitimately an inch in length. Just everywhere. We concluded that I had rolled over on the eight-legged freak in my sleep and ignorantly but delightfully, killed it.
When I was a nanny, there was a spider on the baby that I watched. I had to force myself to touch it to save the child. Hated. my. life.
Lastly, in an attempt to overcome this extreme but NOT irrational fear, I agreed to hold a tarantula. It took probably half an hour and I cried but I did it.

oh, by the way, the fear remains. I was not cured.

The Ceecee dressed me

2011-10-20T18:32:00.000-07:00

Came home from work today and found this treasure on my bed

I have a theory

2011-10-16T00:59:00.000-07:00

and it begins with a little story:

Because the pain in my left knee continued to gnaw at me not only when I ran but also when I walked, sat and slept, I paid a visit to the trusty internet. The interweb informed me that it indeed was my shoes that was causing said pain. It explained to me all about why these cheap sneakers from Walmart were bad for me.

I drove to my local Runner's Corner and left the store with a new pair of shoes and confidence that all of my pain would disappear instantly.

Here's the thing: the new shoes are not quite comfortable yet. The tongue falls down into the shoe and the laces sit on the top of my foot, driving me nuts. They are not broken in yet so they feel hard beneath my feet. But I am wearing them each time I run, I know that it will get better with time.

Today before my nine mile run (yes, feel free to ooh and ahh), I looked up at my old running shoes and I was so tempted to wear them! They are comfortable and I know that I like them. I know what we are capable of together. Fine, they may not be "the best" for me but they're certainly not the worst. And we have spent so much time together that they feel like home.

As I stared longingly at the old shoes, the epitome came to me: old running shoes are like old boyfriends.

Masochism

2011-10-10T22:43:00.001-07:00

Petition for Bacon

2011-10-05T12:34:00.000-07:00

At my work, there are about twenty male employees, four females and one bathroom. That bathroom has a delicious "dark kiss" scented lotion for post handwashing convenience.

The other day, my staff Josh approached me and asked me where the boy bathroom was. I looked at him, confused "There is only one bathroom and it's for everyone". He responded with "Oh, because with that girly lotion, I thought it was the girl bathroom so I was wondering where us gentlemen could do our business"

The rest is history...

I didn't think he would actually do it. And the greatest part? The petition was on pink paper.

A lovely date

2011-10-02T18:38:00.001-07:00

I went on a date last night. His name is Jack. He is handsome, we shared a drink (A straw even!), conversation was great, he held my hand...... though to be honest, I was vying for it. But that didn't make it any less special.

Pictures below.

oh yeah, we got matching tattoos.

and he brought me a cupcake. so what if he forgot it was for me, ate a chunk of it and then left it sitting on my backseat?

love.

we look great together, don't we?

Couch PoTyra

2011-09-02T17:20:00.000-07:00

Today I went to the mechanic and was greeted by my old man lover Steve by name. Oh Steve! I LOVE good customer service!

I left the details of my visit and my car key with him and sat on the raggedy couches until Kenzie came to get me. I found myself watching Tyra Banks and was soon joined by this fellow.

Because I am sometimes weirdly shy around strangers, I couldn't ask old Joe Bob here if he wanted me to change the channel. Thus, we watched Tyra together. My favourite part was when she, in promoting another episode, said "Is there a strange part of your man that you love? Is it his hairy ears? His yellowed toes? Can you just not get enough of his back fat?" Joe Bob let out a grumbled chuckle at this. Awkwardly beautiful.

On another note, as I was lazily typing this blog post, Kenzie was insisting that I try on her new shoe. Flopped on my belly with my legs dangling in the air, I told Kenzie that I would try it on if she would put in on my foot. First, she put it on upside. For reals, like the laces were at the bottom of my foot. Realizing that that wasn't right, she tried again. Once it was on, I told her that I hated it, it was uncomfortable.

She was shocked, "really?! I love them!" To prove to her that it was a bad purchase, I hopped off the bed to stand upright in this unbearable shoe. She, Marlaina and myself look down at the shoe. Oh yeah, it's on the wrong foot.

I think this is one of those stories that was funnier in person...

Double Trouble

2011-08-31T10:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday while at work, I was minding my own bidness working in my office. I had some Dolly Parton playing and was quietly singing along. I heard some mysterious sounds by the door and turned off my music to investigate.

I turned around in my wheelie chair and watched as my office door fell open. In classic Stephanie and D.J. Tanner style, two therapists from my work (both at least 60) were scrunched down together, ears pressed to where the door had just been. Their eyes opened wide and they grinned with surprise as the door gave way and I caught them trying to catch me.

They giggled like the little girls they were acting like and said that they heard me singing along.

I can only hope that when I am old enough to be a grandparent that I will still spy and giggle and never grow up.

Pickle Pick

2011-08-25T15:45:00.000-07:00

It was a normal Thursday, of the August 25th kind. Just a normal day. Work, home, errands, tv online. Then Heather realized that she should probably use her spare time to do something better...no, not better....just a different kind of time use - and go to the temple.

As she drove into the temple lot, she realized something amazing! Today is Jo Dee Messina's birthday! She turns forty one! Heather knew this because she had been a long time Jo Dee fan, having met her several times and seen her in concert almost a dozen. Born August 25, 1970 in Holliston, Massachusetts, Heather was certain that knowing that it was her best friend's birthday was going to be the highlight of her day, week, MONTH!

As she was lost in these thoughts while hearing the click clack of her heels on the hot pavement, she felt her phone buzzing in her purse. Unlock, Jodi Leynse says "I say Janey!"

Heather looked up. It was Thursday around 4:00, how could she forget? Another dear friend of hers (though not NEARLY as dear as JDM) who had been locked in the empty sea for several weeks now was possibly within hearing distance. She called out, loudly. "PICKLE!!!" Just kidding, that didn't really happen.

Thinking that she might see Jane, her heart started pounding as she continued up the paved hill that would lead her to the House of the Lord. She walked slowly, just in case. Turned her head often, also just in case. No such luck.

Walking into the building, she took the sharp left required to enter into the baptismal font and there she saw her own Hermana Corajane Taylor. Oh, how delightful! Jane saw her and came out the glass doors that were so cruelly separating the friends. A hug, a polite chat, an introduction to the companion (who looked annoyed that she didn't have such a good looking and awesome friend to visit her in the temple).

The goodbye was sweet and Heather left with absolutely no sadness but all joy that her dear Bulamacow was safe, having fun and still talked about her (this she knew because upon being introduced, her companion said "This is Heifer? The one you always talk about?"

Oh Jane Ausem.

And the winner is...

2011-08-20T23:24:00.000-07:00

I had 83 water bottles remaining under my bed at the end of the summer. Some of you guessed so low, don't you know me at all?

Guys, I need a mattress. For realz.

Also, just saw Sara Bareilles and Sugarland. It was AmaZing! Blog about it later, maybe.

Guessing gAMe

2011-08-12T22:43:00.000-07:00

Over the summer, I threw my used water bottles beneath my bed. Okay, it was actually in the crack that was between mine and Jane's bed. Either way, for about three months, my water bottles were being collected. I cleaned them out yesterday.

The person to guess the closest as to how many there were will get a gift. For reals.

Please note that it was probably only about half the water bottles I actually drank over the summer.

and yes, I recycled them!

Hidden treasures

2011-08-08T16:17:00.001-07:00

Packing to move helps me to find little nuggets such as these...

how did I end up with THREE??

At 6:53 this morning

2011-08-06T09:13:00.000-07:00

my alarm went off. I rolled over and quieted it, realizing that I was crazy to have committed to this and that I didn't want to do it anymore. I scrambled for my phone and with my tired fingers, I texted Michelle "don't make me do this".

With about as much sympathy as I expected, she responded with "You'll be glad you did." Clearly she was not going to excuse me from my duties. I rolled out of bed, popped my contacts in and put on some scandalous clothing. I tucked my ipod into my bra, hung my earphones around my neck and grabbed a breakfast drink.

I met up with Michelle and complained about what we were going to do. After all, this chick is a marathon runner! No Michelle, she is not going to take it easy on us, we're slow! I would soon learn that the words coming out of my mouth were so very true.

Parked my car at the Riverwoods and drove up to Vivian Park, where we got out and met my new nemesis and her little sister. Nemesis had a baseball cap on that declared "Run like an animal" and the rest of her outfit followed suit. Oh hell.

We stripped of our sweaters and tied our car keys into our shoelaces and got going. We didn't even get the preparation walk and talk that Michelle and I usually get! We just started running!

What I realized as I was ~~being tortured by these women~~ running is that I am not a runner. No no, I thought that I might be one but I was so wrong. I am a jogger. When your legs fully extend, that means you're running. When you can't talk with your buddy when your ipod has died because it got hot and sweaty in your bra, that is running. When you don't even stop to take a water break, that is running. When you pass the other people on the trail, that's running.

Fortunately for me, Michelle realized this too and I think Nemesis became her nemesis too. Because we are stubborn, we followed close behind and finished the whole mileage with them. 6.4 miles is 53 minutes. Ouch.

Only kinda ouch though. The last mile was pretty fun for me, probably because I knew that I was near the end. And at the end, I realized that Nemesis and her little sister weren't so bad, after all. Yes, they did run like animals and no, they didn't really take it easy on us. However, they were nice girls and as we were passing people on the path, we were looking fast and badass. That was all them.

I have a love/hate relationship with Nemesis. and ~~running~~ jogging.

Lorne Michaels

2011-08-05T23:12:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to my new neighbor's house to borrow some newspaper. I walked up his front steps and saw him in classic old man stance: sitting in the recliner with the remote control in his hand with the front door open, screen door closed. He slowly approached the door and opened it, inviting me in.

I asked him about newspaper and told him that I needed it for painting. With his raspy voice, he pointed to the kitchen table, where I would find a stack of old papes he didn't care for anymore. He then apologized for being so quiet, stating that he had lost his voice. Trying to be funny, I asked "Were you screaming at a crazy party last night?" this is funny because he is at least eighty years old.

He responds with "No. Cancer. Which is worse."

"Yeah, that is worse....thanks for the newspaper!" and an embarrassed little girl pushed the screen door open and ran down the steps to the safety of the pavement, where she would be more humiliated and entertained by it with each time she considered what had just happened.

Lemon out.

Sharing an office with an old lady means...

2011-08-02T12:08:00.000-07:00

If I could picture a great date

2011-07-25T23:18:00.000-07:00

it probably would resemble very closely the one I went on tonight. First of all, he called me (instead of lame-o texting) and stated that he was taking me out on a date. He was on time and opened the car door for me, thank you chivalry for coming back into my life.

He took me to the CARNIVAL! Granted, I did mention that I wanted to go, but still. It rained on the way there, which made me think that it was going to be a dud. Were we going to have to do last minute planning? Men are never good at this. He kept going toward the planned event. Okay...

We parked and though it was raining, we got out and headed toward the rides. We arrived and his good manners continued as he acted as if he didn't care about the price of the very expensive rides, but rather, wanted to do whatever I wanted. What a sucker! Of course I wanted to do ALL of them! The tickets he bought without the slight grimace that is so commonly plastered on the faces of penny pinching men that forget that it is WORTH IT to be spending time with us ladies.

The rides were hilarious! He hasn't been in years apparently and he tried to be macho when things got scary but soon little yelps and screams exposed themselves, making the rides that much more fun. During the Gravitator (?), he held my hand for a minute or two. I wasn't opposed.

After the rides, we both concluded that we were going to throw up. We took a walk around the fair and he spent more money watching me attempt to shoot a star out of a piece of paper with a BB gun. After he tried once and I tried twice, we agreed that we were never going to win the giant plush animals on display and that this was not like a romantic comedy, that I wouldn't have his victory teddy bear in my arms as we left. Damn shame.

We sat down on a curb on the outskirts of the carnival and as the rain came down and the bright lights flashed before us, we just talked. For a long time. And it wasn't awkward or forced but it was good. To be honest, if he had tried to kiss me in that moment, he probably would have succeeded.

Onto the firework show! We returned to the car and drove over to the baseball fields. He pulled three blankets out of his trunk and mentioned that he remembered me saying that I'm always cold and that he didn't want that to happen. A man who bring blankets for me? H yes! We ran into Ashley and B there and he was cute with the babe - which is a great sign. The fireworks were great (I stayed warm) and we headed home.

I was getting tired and grouchy so it was necessary that I get home and in bed asap. He drove fast. He apologized for keeping me out so late. It was midnight. I don't know if I'm making it sound as good as it was but it was.

Except, he didn't feed me. I'm hung.

Resolution Check In.

2011-07-20T21:57:00.000-07:00

1. Eat out no more than two times per week

I'm actually pretty awesome at this. I would say that this is my strongest one by far.

2.No more eating after 10 pm

....as I like the peanut butter off my lips. What? I didn't get dinner! Mostly I'm good at this but I do make exceptions for excessive hunger and delicious foods.

3. Exercise 2x per week

Mmmm, probably?

4. Read scriptures every day

I'm getting about a A- in this. I usually will read at least one scrap if I'm really tired. Okay, once or twice have I just recited one that I know before I fell into a deep sleep.

5. Attend the temple every week

I was really good at this one all year but have slacked over the past month. I really should do this.

6. Get married

Well, I have some NEWS! This is probably not going to happen this year. Damn. I really want a baby.

'Twas the night

2011-07-16T01:07:00.000-07:00

before Saturday

and all was going well.

until...

We decided to have a scooter gang and go on a ride. With Jane on the back and helmets for safety (Jane and myself learned about scooter safety in Fiji, when we had a terrible crash with the asphalt. We also learned that perhaps I should be the driver but anyway), we were on our way. Up and down the streets of Provo, I was practicing my scooter skills. Because I was being a wimp and my scooter had much less horsepower than the others, we were often the caboose of the scooter gang. No matter, people cheered for us as we slowly putted up a residential road.

Then Center street came. Several yards behind the rest of the crew and with the inability to speed, I was shocked when flashing red and blue lights were behind me. Officer approached us. Sir, I thought, why are you wearing sunglasses? It's past midnight. I was wrong, they are clear sunglasses, best described as bug eyes or those weird glasses shop class teachers or motorcycle riders wear. Sign number one that things were not going to go well.

Sign number two was when he told me that I would be ticketed for the scooter I was driving which was not even mine for not being registered, insured or for me not having a motorcycle license. Bonus! We can't ride the scooter home. We can either have someone come get it or he can impound it. He's reminds us that he's being a nice guy, really. There are several more violations that he could hit us with. What would he like for us to do?

Um. Let us go?

Court and Jane take the REGISTERED scooter home to get Jane's truck. Claire and I have been instructed by the officer to sit on the curb and wait. I decide that it will be brilliant if when they return, they see us laying face down on the pavement with our hands behind our backs. Claire agrees. We lay down. Oh, this is going to be so funny! They're going to be so scared! With our faces uncomfortably smashed into the sidewalk and our arms aching from being fake handcuffed behind our backs AND the police car lights still flashing, we're looking pretty badass.

He made us get up. Before they got there and could be scared. Sign number three.

All of that ruckus made me tired and I think I just found a rock in my hair...

Pp

2011-07-14T07:14:00.000-07:00

Went up the canyon with my work people the other day, which consisted of all boys. We were all sitting around the fire having a jolly old time when the feeling came - yep, gotta go to the bathroom.

But how am I going to distract the boys so that they don't notice that I'm leaving the group to go pee in the brush? They'll make fun of me and it will be awkward. They know I don't have toilet paper. What to do, what to do....

Oh yes, I will fake a ten minute phone call with my boss, pacing far away within their line of sight. They can see me, they know that I'm not peeing, everything is normal (except for the fact that I'm literally talking to myself with the phone up to my ear, just in case).

I quickly dart out of their vision. It's now or never. Just a few feet from the road, a few more from my group and with no complimentary greenery for wiping or view blocking, I do it. Oh, I wish I had my go-girl with me right now. Going, going, going....wow, I had to go worse than I thought.

Done! Pull up my pants and do the girly wiggle and put the phone back up to my ear, continuing the very intense imaginary conversation with my boss that has required me to walk away from the campfire. I slowly approach the group again and am met with "Is everything okay?" Is this a test? Does he know what I just did? He couldn't. "Just talking to Nichol, state licensure is coming tomorrow. Lots of work" He buys it, I'm golden.

Deceived...again

2011-07-10T00:41:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I have blogged the story of the time that I told my friends that I had been skiing once or twice and then they conned me into going backcountry skiing (and I almost DIED?!). If I haven't, I probably should. Some people seem to think it's funny. Some people repeat the story at parties and I overhear them and reveal to them that I was that girl.

I was deceived again today. To the credit of my friend Katheter, she wasn't trying to deceive me per se, it was more of a misunderstanding. This was what I heard "Wanna hike the Y at 4:00?" My response "won't it be kinda hot at 4? Shouldn't we do it later?" My proposal is ignored and at 4:00, I throw on my chacos and a wife beater and prepare to fight the heat while hiking the Y.

We meet up with some boys and everyone is saying that they've never climbed Y mount. What? You haven't? I have, several times. Weirdos.

In case you don't know what hiking the Y entails, here is a shot to give you a better picture

We begin our journey and as predicted, it was HOT! But because I ~~was with boys~~ am in great shape, we didn't stop very much on our way up. We got to the tippy top of the Y and I happily plopped down and began trying to extract water from my frozen water bottle. What a great hike! It wasn't so bad after all. Wait, what? Why are you guys walking up and not down? We're not done?

No, we're not done. Because apparently there is a difference between hiking the Y and hiking Y mount. Who knew? Apparently everyone but me. Our destination was not the prettily painted Y on the rocky, unshaded, filled-with-flies, mosquitoes, beetles-mountain. No, it was to get to the top of said mountain. To give you a better idea, take a look at this picture:

That's right. Proceeding from the Y, we were going to the TOP! After two solid hours of hiking and ninety something degree weather, I used my sister as an excuse (a very VALID one) to turn around and head back down.

Yes, it's lame and yes, I'm weak. You climb that bitch and tell me you wouldn't have jumped at the opportunity to do the same.

Good news: I got ~~a great tan~~, ~~a great workout~~, a great experience from it.

2011-07-09T10:05:00.000-07:00

A major highlight of my last week was this:

My dear sweet nephew Jack lost his front tooth. Lost? Oh yeah, I pulled it out. For a wonderful video of this happening, you can go HERE.

I'm sorry but...

2011-07-06T20:32:00.000-07:00

"Caylee would never have wanted her mother to suffer this way," defense attorney Jose Baez told Barbara Walters of ABC News. "Caylee certainly never wanted her mother to die."

I'm thinking that Caylee would never have wanted to suffer the way she did. And that Caylee certainly never wanted to die. Jose Baez, you're sounding pretty douchey about now. Show some respect to the little girl who lost her life.

Dinner

2011-07-06T19:35:00.001-07:00

2011-07-02T17:21:00.001-07:00

sodamncute.

2011-07-01T21:25:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in this universe

2011-06-30T21:28:00.000-07:00

there is a little red notebook. That little red book contains everything I wanted to remember from Fiji. It has addresses and funny quotes and all of the things that I learned to say in Fijian. I scoured through everything I own and though I found some other odd little items that I didn't know had gone missing, I didn't find my little red notebook.

Oh please, little red notebook, if you come back to me I promise to never lose you again.

My best friend wrote my biography

2011-06-30T17:22:00.000-07:00

Hailing from aloha, oregon, most would assume heather johnson cares about the environment, animals, and recycling. Well, that old adage is true about assuming making you an ass because you couldn't be further from the truth. heather only likes music, running, laughing at people fall down, and fine food such as chicken nuggets and pudding cups.

Heather attended BYU in hopes of snagging a husband but obtained a Bachelors Degree in Sociology instead.

While putting herself through school, she took jobs that helped her find her natural gifts of working with adolescents and raising other people's children.

Da Birfday Party

2011-06-26T10:26:00.000-07:00

A few weeks before my birthday, my friend Joey asked if he and our friend Eric, might be able to throw me a party. Um, h yes? He confessed to me that they really just wanted to throw a party but since mine was the nearest birthday, they would pretend to make it all about me. Excellent. All. About. Me.

Evidence that I was at said party...

Last Saturday was not only the best birthday party that I have ever had, it might have been one of the coolest parties I have ever attended. It included:

a birthday rap

(thanks to the Sams for throwing that down),

a root BEER keg

and most importantly.....

Joey, hopping out of a giant cake, doing a sexy dance in his bow tie and cuffs (after throwing his shirt at me) and bringing me one of TWO funfetti cakes. They sang me Happy Birthday and I unsuccessful blew at all 25 candles. Could it get any better??

There were also some sweet fireworks, dancing, music videos on display (via projector) on a building, and an after party that included hot dogs, shmoes and Parks and Rec.

I literally got home at 3 am. Thank you SO SO much Joey and Eric for putting this on for me. It was WONDERFUL!

Imma quarter century!

2011-06-18T15:30:00.000-07:00

48 facebook birthday wishes

22 birthday texts

6 birthday calls

many wonderful gifts

25 looks like it might be a great year.

I decided this year that I was going to rate the birthday gifts given to me. It started off with Court giving me a back massage on Thursday night. That was the top.

When I woke up on Friday morning, there were balloons and my favourite childish foods sitting outside my bedroom door from Kenzie. Contender.

Later, Kenzie revealed to me that she was going to put $30 on our gomusic account. $30 of music?! Hello! New winner.

When I came home from work, Court and Jane had gotten me the best kind of icecream from Cold Stone (yes, it is Cake Batter with Butterfinger chunks) and a little gift sack that included some Rook cards, sweet booty shorts, gum and best of all, a go girl. If you don't know what one is, PLEASE go to that link. This thoughtful and hilarious gift was topped with the cherry of riding down Provo Canyon on our bikes. Pretty good birthday so far...

As soon as I returned from that adventure, Jenny and Melissa came to get me for my birthday dinner with the Sexy Six. These girls have been my dearest friends for almost SEVEN years now. Yes, it has been seven years since my freshman year of college. We went and got Amber and Jillie and went out for Chinese. I love love Chinese! Then there was a two layer funfetti cake with frosting in the middle and on top. This hit the spot so well that I ate too much. But there is no such thing as eating too much on your birthday, right?

I sat and chatted with these girlfriends, who know me better then I know myself and I was so content. I love being with people that make you happy.

Another gift contender - Amber gave me a BEAUTIFUL pocketwatch necklace that was similar to one she had gotten herself. Friendship necklaces. Classic and timeless. he he he

It was a lovely, lovely day and each present was unique and wonderful and though I wanted to rate them and find one that topped them all, I couldn't. I loved what came from each person and am grateful that they are thoughtful and generous enough to get me something for that special day.

Just as the day was ending and we were heading back to Provo, Jenny's sister called to say that she was in labor and could she come stay the night with her kids? Since we were already in Salt Lake and Jenny's sister lived only half an hour north of there, we all agreed. Thus, my birthday evening was spent in a strange couple's bed. All I ever wanted. (By the way, she had the baby early this morning and it was a healthy little girl!)

I have decided that this birthday may be one of the best. It has actually turned out to be a 3 day celebration and today's celebration began with a wonderful surprise from my sister Ash and her kids, sending me music money! My sisters know what I want! It's all about the MUSIC!

The party is tonight and if you are in or near P-Town, I hope you can make it. The root beer keg and possible male stripping means that it's going to be hot. If we're lucky, my Bishop will make an appearance and will be not at all surprised by our playful sketchiness but will still love us the same.

Thank you ALL who reached out to me on my birthday! It was a really REALLY good one!

arunnin'

2011-06-12T01:26:00.001-07:00

As most of you already know, because I'm sure I have blogged about it recently more than you would like - I have taken up running.

Because of this newest venture of mine, I have discovered that I'm immensely grateful for my body. I'm grateful for the ability to do every day the things that I need to do and for the strength to run a couple of miles if I choose to do so.

More specifically, I am thankful for my legs. As I sat in the car today, I looked down at the dimply flesh of my Mickey Mouse glove colored thighs. Dimples. Yuck. In that moment, I hated them.

Just a few hours later, I was running further than I ever have before. Sometimes when I run, I look down. This evening, I looked down and watched the wiggle of my thighs every time my feet pounded the pavement. And I was proud. These legs, white and hairy and having more cottage cheese on the underside than I would like; these legs are STRONG. I'm proud of them. I'm happy to have them. I feel blessed to be so privileged. Because of these two appendages, I am able to go wherever I need to, whenever I want to. My abilities are unlimited. I could literally use them to walk across the country if I wanted. Wow.

I say this not to be bragging about my newly acquired skill, no no. I say this to acknowledge that even though the tops of my thighs never seem to tan and I always manage to miss about 76% of the hairs on them when shaving, even though they dimple when I flex my bum or sit down, even though they are not the size that would look good in a mini skirt; they are mine. And they literally are, perfect.

I do not own these pictures

2011-06-08T22:05:00.000-07:00

nor have I been in contact with this mother within the last six years. However, I was stumbling around on the internet (fine, I was fb stalking people) and happened to find her and her daughter, who made my night (considering that the CMT Music Awards were a joke!).

I give this baby the award for most surprised that someone is taking her picture:

WinCo

2011-06-07T22:45:00.000-07:00

Tonight I bought:

Dino Chicken Nuggets

Corn Dogs

Frozen Hashbrowns

Eggo Waffles

Frozed Mixed Vegetables

Go-Gurt Yogurt (8 pack)

Gallon of milk

Eggs

Cinnamon Life Cereal

Shredded Cheese

Frosted Mini Wheats

Refried Beans

Corn

HandiSnacks (6 pack)

Granola Bars

Trail Mix

Plain M&Ms (to add into the trail mix)

Peanut M&Ms (also for the trail mix)

Jane and I discussed that we have been told that we eat like five year olds. I said that five year olds are happy so perhaps they are onto something. Jane contributed that they weigh about 1/3 as much as we do so we're probably headed in the right direction.

HandiSnacks, anyone? Just kidding, GET YOUR OWN.

Updue

2011-06-03T17:24:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time a boy told me that I could be pretty if I did my hair.

Seven years later, I'm wondering if he was onto something...

Dear roommates

2011-05-29T23:51:00.000-07:00

If you could PLEASE stop locking the door the instant I leave the house, that would be great. I understand if it's nighttime or no one is home but when I'm checking the mail? or running out to my car? or visiting with the neighbors in our front yard?

.....and while I'm making requests, please clean up after yourself after showering in what is not your bathroom, I find it less than pleasant to pull your long, black hair out of the shower drain every day.

.....okay, last thing. Why do you watch movies with your boyfriend/fiance on the couch a.l.l. d.a.y. l.o.n.g.? I feel like it's not healthy. I'm just looking out for your well-being, that's all, it's not that I want you to stop monopolizing my front room.

Besides those things, you're the best!

Signed,

Concerned apartment mate

Concert going

2011-05-22T22:23:00.000-07:00

I love going to concerts. In no particular order, I have been to the following artists:

Jamie O'Neal

Sara Evans (2)

Kenny Chesney (2)

Montgomery Gentry

George Strait (2)

Matthew Perryman Jones

Reba McEntire (2)

Carolyn Dawn Johnson

Martina McBride

Jo Dee Messina (8)

Ingrid Michaelson (2)

James Morrison

Adele

Little Big Town (2)

Phil Vassar

Lady Antebellum

Miranda Lambert (2)

Keith Urban (2)

Lee Ann Womack

Joe Diffie

Boyz II Men (2)

Carrie Underwood

Kelly Clarkson (2)

Cyndi Thomson

SHeDAISY

Jonas Brothers (2)

LeAnn Rimes

Bryan White

Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband

She & Him

And on August 20th, I can add Sara Bareilles and Sugarland to my list. A whoo hoo!

P.S. I know that I'm forgetting some...feel free to help me out if you know who.

P.P.S. Who have you been to see? And who has been the best?

For me, seeing Kelly Clarkson in the summer of 2009 (?) was really monumental. She sounded great, I was with wonderful people and the audience as a whole was just unified in our adoration for her.

Lovely company.

Rain sprinkling while we sang along to "My Life Would Suck Without You" and then a beautiful rainbow? Um, yeah, rock on.

Little duckers

2011-05-15T09:06:00.000-07:00

On Thursday afternoon, I was driving home from work and pulling onto the off-ramp by University Avenue. As I pulled off, I saw that there was a small batch of ducklings running to and fro on the road, trying to avoid being hit by the cars whizzing by. They moved in unison and the little puddle of yellow and black fuzz was so cute that I felt I had to do something. I had to save them.

Not really sure how to do it or what it entailed, I pulled over. Cars were zooming by quickly (as they are just coming off the freeway) and the little ducks have no sense of direction. I tried to chase them off the road but they just zig zagged back into the middle of the road and hid under what they thought was protection from I guess, me. What a fatal mistake the little babies made when they sought refuge under a semi. The light turned green and I turned around and plugged my ears. When I turned back, I found what I had expected: about five or six of the little ones had been flattened by the semi. I was more determined than ever to save the rest!

Some lady saw what was happening and also pulled her car over. Together, we caught the rest of the ducklings and put them in my car, as I live near a pond. They hopped around and chirped like little maniacs as I drove to pick up Jane, to help me release them at their new home.

One by one, they were placed on the dirty pond water, surrounded by fellow ducks and ducklings. I was worried that they were so small that they might not be able to swim. That was NOT the case. Little duckers could swim fast! I thought that that would be the last I would see of Loretta, Merle, Patsy, Dolly and Hank.

The next day, Jane and I decided to go check on the babies. We were distressed to find that not only were they not being accepted by the other ducks, but they were being picked on! We observed them swimming alone and attempting to join a line of little ones following their mother. Rejection never was so clear and so cruel. The foster brothers and sisters would chase them around and the mother would peck on their heads, in a not-so-endearing way. After seeing the mistreatment, I decided that they would be safer with me. They were too small to survive on their own! Especially when they were being picked on!

The attempt to recapture my little ones was quite an adventure! It included Jane and myself entering a stream (of clean water, mind you) and chasing them until they were trapped between us. Then we would grab em! Merle and Hank were together and while Merle was pretty easy for me to get, Jane had quite the war with Hank. He actually jumped out of her hands a few times. He is a naughty one indeed.

Dolly was easy. She is very sweet and a little....ditzy. She was just catchin' some sun on land and didn't even see Jane coming after her. She didn't resist much and to this day, doesn't mind us holding and snuggling her.

Patsy could not be found. Bless her little peanut-sized heart.

Loretta was the most difficult. She just hung out in the middle of the pond. Despite us splashing, throwing rocks and trying to use sticks to lure her closer to us, she remained in the middle. It wasn't until a coworker of mine, Jon, had the courage to do what none of the rest of us would do that Loretta was captured, safe and sound. Like Benny the Jet on The Sandlot, Jon prepared himself to be the hero. He put on his new shoes (my flip flops) and hopped over the fence (into the ducking gross water) to get his ball (our duckling). The water was mid-thigh and onlookers stared in disgust as he waded through, splashing around until little Loretta, probably scared out of her mind, was in his hands.

Back together again! The rest is history. They currently reside in a comfortably large storage container and eat duck food and huddle together all day. We watch them more often than we probably should and love them more than we thought we would. Now, like a true proud mama - PICTURE TIME!

Duckies!

2011-05-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

Look at them out in the wild! Observe how small they are compared to that turtle.

Tub time! This is baby Merle.

This is mostly to show how small they are. Is it working?

Okay seriously, could they BE any cuter?

New home. They shat all over this towel. It's never wrapping around my body again.

Little Dolly and Loretta. Dolly is being snuggled to sleep. She loves it. When she is really relaxed, her head slinks to the side, must like onto a baby who falls asleep in his carseat.

Endureless

2011-05-10T22:09:00.000-07:00

It wasn't very long ago that I was able to participate in the relay race that took our team from the Provo temple to Temple Square. I think I ran about twelve? miles that day.

At that point in time, I was able to run a good five miles without wanting to off myself.

I ran two last night and wanted so badly to stop. After some research, I have found that running experts (or those that call themselves such) claim that after two weeks OR LESS of not training, you can completely lose your endurance.

Granted, it's been about two months or maybe longer....but still! That's it?! All of that work and now I have to start from square one?! That doesn't seem very fair!

Now I'm back to my old ways: eating with such a passionate manner that people stare. As evidenced in the photo below.

I'm returning to the sport of bike riding. You can pick that shiz back up eighty years later and still be just as good. Two weeks my a&$.

So much, so little.

2011-05-08T00:10:00.000-07:00

I feel like so much excitement has happened to me in the last few days (and by excitement, I mean just blog worthy) but I haven't had the opportunity to blog it all. Here is a quick recap:

We had a Cinco de Mayo party at my old place. It was lovely. This happened to me. For real. Coincidentally, the same boy took me out today. We went shooting. It was lovely.

The sun came out! I forced myself to lay out for one hour, though at 47 minutes, I thought I was going to become a cannibal's delicious dinner. Now I look like this.

We played a wonderful game of Rook tonight. Featuring these lovelies:

The best part of the game (besides when I won) was when Claire, a first timer, had taken the hand. If you don't know Rook, this won't make much sense to you. So, Claire had taken the hand and was very confident that we were going to make our bid. But then the other team was throwing some crazy cards out and she became very nervous.
She picked up the front collar of her shirt and began shaking it. She stated that she was sweating. She declared that she was shaking. I have never seen anyone respond so much to a game. While tricks were being played, she crossed her arms over her chest and said "I'm actually starting to feel sick". It was hilarious. We ended up winning the hand (because I had a great helping hand *cough cough*) and the nervousness went away. In fact, she was so excited about the win that she screamed with joy, leapt up on her chair and threw her cards on the table.

Great day, good weekend.

Pets

2011-05-01T22:53:00.001-07:00

Tonight I was playing Rook with some of my friends, my good friends. Things got a little heated and though we semi smoothed it over, on my drive home, I was thinking about how I was going to blog about the situation. How I would recruit my blog readers (ie. sisters) to get on my side so that I felt justified in my side of the argument.

But then I came home to a text that read "I hapologize for arguing during Rook." and realized that I would rather blog about how grateful I am for friends that are willing to apologize for the argument than friends that want to keep the fight going. Clearly he is a better friend than me.

But I am grateful for him. And for all my friends (and family, though on rare occasion I do consider you guys friends :)) that are able to keep me in line and make me want to be the best I am, not because they desire to mold me but because their example inspires me.

Good friends are good.

Bartering

2011-04-30T21:36:00.001-07:00

I recently discovered the "barter" section of Craigslist. My personal favourite:

I have my guinea pig her name is sweetheart we just cant take care of her anymore or give her the time and attention she needs, we are offering to trade her for a nintendo ds.

I moved

2011-04-26T22:07:00.000-07:00

and now have to relearn how to share a room...eek. I hope she doesn't mind that I will continue to wake up early, flip the light on and play my music - even if she is still asleep.

And I won't mind sharing a room as long as she makes her bed daily, cleans up after herself, vacuums at least weekly, never farts, showers regularly, leaves my stuff alone, never complains about my music, gets out of the bathroom when I request, never leaves things lying around, wears clothes that I approve, works every day and doesn't just lounge around, never paints her nails in the bedroom, never ever clips her nails or does anything that warrants dead body flakes and pieces on my floor, lets me use most of the drawers and more than half of the closet.

That's not too much to ask, eh?

Of course I'm kidding.....

Here a shot of my room all set up. It's bigger than it looks. These are King sized beds in this one room. Enjoy! If you want a better view, climb up the fire escape and look through the window. You might be lucky enough to catch a glimpse of me sleeping. Only if you're lucky.

New tunes

2011-04-26T18:46:00.000-07:00

that I think are worth giving a listen to.

"Chances Are" Garrett Hedlund

"Give In To Me" Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester (I didn't love this movie but good music came from it)

"Just You and Me" Zee Avi. Take a trip to the past.

"One and Only" Adele - though this whole album is fabulous.

"Shut Up Train" Little Big Town (this one hits home as I hear the train every morning)

"You Picked Me" A Fine Frenzy. I don't love the beginning of this song but if you can bear through it the chorus will make it worth your while.

"Oh, It Is Love" Hellogoodbye

"Save Me, San Francisco" Train

"Low Road" Grace Potter and the Nocturnals

new band to watch for? Pistol Annies.

African Cats: the moobie

2011-04-23T19:08:00.000-07:00

It was my friend Michelle's birthday on Friday and because it was her day of celebration, she was able to pick the movie that we were going to see....and we could not complain or argue. Though I didn't argue, I will admit that I complained a moderate amount. A movie about cats? A documentary?! I'm going to pay to go to the REAL LIFE THEATER and watch a movie about cats?? Michelle is lucky that I adore her and was willing to go along with this little charade.

Well, I actually enjoyed it. It was a good movie! Basically, these videographers (is that a real word?) follow a pride of lions and a cheetah that is raising her cubs all on her own. Instead of being boring, it was sometimes really intense and almost always pretty cute. When you see the little cubs shivering in the rain you just want to cuddle up with them. I would really recommend it to anyone, even children.

However, I do have to say a few things about it. Mostly, I learned from this film that lions are bastards. All they do is impregnate lionesses and "protect" the pride. I put that in quotations because they are only ever protecting themselves and when the going gets tough, they run away. Literally. They leave their lioness wives (ps. they're polygamists) and their sweet little cubs and just get out. They're the worst. However, they are beautiful creatures! Geez, they are so beautiful.

Also, lionesses and female cheetahs are some sort of amazing. They are constantly putting their lives on the line to protect their cubs or those that are in harm's way. Basically, I aspire to be Sita. If you watch the movie, you will understand.

On a very different note, a friend of mine told me today that she bought music because I recommended it on my blog. I was SOOOO flattered! Music is my life (okay Liz, fine, I'm a bit obsessed, whatever) and I love the idea that I influenced her to get some goodness. So great.

Making sugar cookies, over and out.

Treat Me Like a Woman Today

2011-04-20T21:12:00.000-07:00

Well, it's some sort of official, I'm a real workin' woman now. Yep, gotta do the whole forty hours, go to work every day thing.

As most of you already know, the company that I'm with has decided to expand and create a boys facility as well and they have asked me to help out with the residential aspect of it. I am incredibly flattered that they think I can handle doing such important work and also a little apprehensive as to what is to come. I just want to do my best and hopefully, do it well.

So there it is, I'm a grownup of sorts now. At 24, it was bound to happen. Guess I'm going to be in Utah for a little bit longer.

Also, there is a new LDS youth website and it has videos that are making me cry. Perhaps I'm approaching my period? I don't think so, I think they're just touching.

https://lds.org/youth/video/two-brothers-apart?lang=eng Grab a tissue.

The Freak

2011-04-08T22:58:00.000-07:00

A tip:

When you are giving someone a compliment, using the term "freakishly" sort of negates the compliment you are about to give.

For example:

Your hair is freakishly pretty.

Your legs are freakishly skinny.

You have freakishly good hearing.

You are freakishly smart.

Your teeth are freakishly white.

Get it?

For years I have been a racist

2011-03-31T21:35:00.000-07:00

but I am proud to say that I am no longer. Tonight I ate a chocolate cookie and I liked it.

Also, tonight's episode of "Grey's Anatomy" was promising to be good but because my projector is not working, I had nowhere to watch it. Panic rose as I realized that there are not many houses in Provo that have cable. But where was I going to watch my show? Because of this stress, I decided to sit down at my kitchen table and eat. As I stared out the window while munching on my African American mini dreampie, I observed a girl running.

Then I knew of a place that had a tv. Gold's Gym.

I appreciate the irony of the fact that I went to the gym for the sole purpose of sitting down at one of the bikes to watch "Grey's". If anything, my monthly membership is providing me with one of my favourite things - no, not working out; but rather, TELEVISION.

A younger Heather

2011-03-30T23:46:00.000-07:00

journaled this:

Dear Journal,

Today is Feb. 9, 1995. I went to b-ball practice, and guess who took me there! No you're wrong David Lynn Rich. What else do you want to talk about? I went to school, and Mrs. Childs said tomorrow is Funday. I played wallball with Natlie, Tiffany, Kim, Jason, Brad and last of all Treman.

and this:

May 2, 2000

I'm so nervous! Tomorrow is the ACM Awards and Jo Dee is up against Martina McBride, Shania Twain, Faith and Chely Wright - she is going to lose. She is performing her new single though, I wonder what she'll wear...

A crazy signature

Musical memories

2011-03-25T23:14:00.000-07:00

It's funny how a song can remind you of someone. Tonight, as my childhood memories were coercing me to purchase old school music, I was surprised at my ability to associate a song with a person.

For example:

"Take Me Home Country Roads" by John Denver - Mom

"How Can I Help You to Say Goodbye" by Patty Loveless - Kim

"Tennesse Waltz" by Anne Murray - My dad

"She's in Love With the Boy" by Trisha Yearwood - Ash

Spider lashes

2011-03-25T17:11:00.000-07:00

Today while I was applying my mascara, I had the following thought:

If I had been born without eyelashes and the only way to get some were to have dozens of spider legs permanently attached to my eyelids, would I do it?

I mean, look at them. They essentially look just like arachnid limbs. The very short attempt of googling pictures of spider legs to make my point was too much for me to bear. But I do love having eyelashes...would I do it? Pick beauty over my greatest fear?

I don't know.

My itunes search.

2011-03-20T21:22:00.000-07:00

Look closely....find the humor.

Report on TEXAS

2011-03-17T11:26:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am, on my way back to Utah. Texas was....lovely. My friend Nicole taught me all about Southern hospitality; for two days she fed me, entertained me and gave me a place to sleep. She also taught me the greatness of Blue Bell icecream and went to the rodeo and concert with me. Nicole is actually the reason Texas got to happen for me. So, thank you SO SO much Nicole!

Miranda was, as expected, wonderful. Her head banging, hell raising, redneck girl attitude is almost contagious. After seeing her, I wanted to be a crazy ex girlfriend and use gunpowder and lead to show some foolish white liar that that's the way that the world goes round. But alas, I have no Blake Shelton to raise hell with. Oh how I wish I did, that man is sexy!

Texas was great and pretty much what I expected. The humidity was great (I might be the only person on the planet that prefers humid to dry heat) and the food was....fried. I had Good Co. barbecue brisket and jambalaya rice and a fried Snickers. Wow! It's probably a good thing that I was't in Texas for too long because I would have had a personal understanding of why everything-including the people-is bigger.

Here is my ode to Texan children:

The rodeo was SO FUN! From the few rodeos I have experienced I was under the impression that barrel racing was my favorite event. I was w.r.o.n.g. Mutton Bustin'! Ohmigosh, I loved watching this so much. I felt that twinge of wanting to both laugh and cry while watching these five and six year olds ride sheep for as long as they could hold on. It was funny and sweet and sad. They announce these small children, both boys and girls (by the way, the girls rocked the boys!), put a vest and helmet on them and hold the sheep while the child lays across it's back and clings onto the neck fur. Two or three men are holding the sheep and child together and in place until the buzzer sounds. Then they let go. Most children fall off after two or three seconds, but there were some superstar cowchildren that held onto the sheep until it had run across the arena, scattered the other sheep and was just scurrying along, hoping that the forty pound nuisance would get off its back. This made everyone hoop and holler. How that child could have his fingers intertwined with the fur while the rest of his body either bounced around on the sheep's back or dangled by its side was so impressive.

Here is the winner, 6 year old Lexington!

Another funny event I hadn't before been introduced to was the Calf Scramble. In this sport, teenagers were lined up in the arena and about a dozen calves were released. The purpose: you catch it, you keep it. Watching these adolescents chase after calves, jumping and mostly missing them and doing whatever possible to get a hold of them was so entertaining! The only part that I didn't like about this was that they mostly grabbed them by the tail (when they actually caught them) and I felt like that was kinda mean. I don't have a tail but I feel like if I did, if someone made me stop dead in my tracks from a full sprint by grabbing it, that would hurt like hell! And, can the tail be ripped off? Because that truly is just mean.

One last thing about the rodeo. The rodeo clowns, or bullfighters as they are now called, are my HEROES! You think it takes a real man to jump onto a bull or buck and hang on tight? Have you ever watched them once they have been thrown or fall off? I'm not saying that these men are not crazy brave or ridiculously talented. I'm just saying that after they are off that crazy animal, they have terror in their eyes and they run and jump onto anything close to get away from it. But to be the men that are out there on the dirt, that after the bull is so pissed that it throws a man off it's back, to be the men that approach that bull in it's state of manic, that is real bravery. The next time you watch a rodeo, check out these guys. They have no fear. In fact, last night, after one of the riders fell off, he ran up and pressed himself up against the gate. The bullfighter came up behind him and protected the rider's body with his own. Crazy! Seriously, I hope these men make good money for what they do. Also, they don't wear helmets. I would rather be the rider than the bullfighter.

In each of these pictures, they are approaching the danger!!!

**Sidenote: TURBULENCE! I love it. A little rockin' makes me feel like I'm on a ride.

Nothing exciting happened at the Houston airport, despite my not-so-secret wish that Miranda herself would be on the flight with me. Perhaps she is and I just didn't see her at the gate. If she is, trust me, you four will be very well informed.

Landed in LAX. My phone works. Weird. It truly just wouldn't work in the state of Texas. The flight was good. Because I had not yet brushed my teeth, put on makeup or put in my contacts, I ended up next to a good looking boy. Even though we didn't ever speak, we were in lub. I know he was attracted to the nest on my head and the glasses that I insist on pushing up with my forefinger, despite being utterly aware of how geeky it makes me look. Also, we were helpful to one another: he threw my trash away and put my tray up while I was sleeping and I spilled my crackers in his water while he was asleep. And, I woke up on two separate occasions facing him, head back and mouth wide open. Twice! After that, I forced myself to stay awake because that is a sight that no one should be forced to see.

Miranda was not on my flight, dammit.

The lady next to me is talking on the phone. She literally just said the words “is she properly attired to meet Christina Aguilera?”

Flying to TEXAS

2011-03-15T19:40:00.000-07:00

I am currently on the airplane on the way to Houston. I feel like so much has happened so far that's blogworthy that if I don't get it out of my system now, I'll forget it and it will just become wasted goodness.

So, allow me to narrate my day:

Got up at 3:45 and Jane took me to the airport. As is always the case with me, I had to be felt up by security and watch them rifle through my suitcase behind one of those glass doors. After they decided that I was not a security risk, I headed to my gate. While sitting there, I saw a little girl with Willow Smith esque hair. I thought it was awesome so I took a picture and sent it to those of you who were privileged enough to get the shot. Awesome, right? Ash disagrees.

Anyway, the first flight was great ie. I slept through the whole thing. I woke up once to realize that I was uncomfortable and cold but the next time I was conscious it was because our plane was rolling onto the pavement.

Still exhausted, I decided to take a nap in the Phoenix airport. While I was sleeping, I was sure that I heard birds chirping. Also, I dreamt about hymn #160 and in my dream it was “Count Your Blessings”, is that right? By the time I open my eyes, the airport is crowded and the fact that I am lounged out across three or six seats is inconvenient for those around me. Sorry guys! I rub my eyes and as usual, my right eye doesn't want to open. Awesome. I look like a pirate (and the feather in my hair doesn't help my case). I look over to my right and see that people are standing in a line. Yes, that is my flight that's boarding. Good thing I woke up! But why did I wake up? Looking to my left I discover that there is a bird beside me. A cute little street bird that does not belong on the inside of the airport. I had to grab my camera and as I was about to take the picture, he cocked his head and gave me a quizzical look like “Why are you taking a picture of me? It's not a big deal that I'm here”. So strange.

Board my plane and I become aware of the fact that I am going to TEXAS. I know this because there is cheering when the flight attendant declares that we are going to TEXAS with a Southern drawl. Another piece of evidence that I am amongst true Southerners is that the old lady in front of me is wearing a jean jacket and has a rat tail. Technically, it was braided actually. But her hair was like old lady short and the braided rat tail hung well below her shoulders. Wowzers.

Then, the flight attendant sings a song about safety and how we're ready to go. She sings! More cheering. Everyone is leaving this offensive state (of wherever they were that wasn't TEXAS) and is going home. That Texan pride is not a joke.

Now I'm on the plane sitting between two middle-aged people who are probably reading this while I write. To their credit, they have been polite to me. Lady to my left pointed out that I was about to sit on my seatbelt and moved it for me and man on my left pointed out that I was then sitting on his seatbelt. Such kindness to a pirate such as myself.

Because I wasn't allowed to turn on my computer for the first several minutes I was reading the Spirit magazine and found a funny quote or two. There are pictures of modern day conveniences and little notes beside them.

Roller luggage. Finally, the wheel achieves its full potential.

The Belt. Without it, we'd all look like 50 Cent.

Sunday. Wake. Eat. Nap. Repeat. (This rings so true for me)

Okay, Imma continue listening to Miranda and pretending like I'm deaf and dumb so that people around me don't try to make conversation. Can't you see this feather in my hair and this eye that is working so hard to open? I'm dangerous and unpredictable. I just wanna listen to my museeq.

Wasatch Front Relay

2011-03-06T20:57:00.000-08:00

On Friday I was becoming increasingly nervous as it hurt to even walk. I wondered how I would be able to complete the relay race the next morning if walking hurt the day before. I spoke with a few runners that I knew and all gave different answers as to what to do. Some said to heat it, others said to ice it while my brother told me not to risk it, not to run.

My dear friend Rachel committed to being our sub in case my calf cramped so badly that I wasn't able to finish my legs but I was determined that I would certainly try my hardest. Hell, I had been training for two and a half weeks for this thing (and I missed an Oregon trip), I am going to try. Friday night included some wrapping, some icing and many prayers.

I woke up Saturday at 6:00. I put some oatmeal in the microwave and a hot rice sock (yes, it is exactly what it sounds like) on my calf. Another prayer or two. I packed my backpack full of water bottles, ibuprofen, an ace bandage, extra headphones, my ipod, some bananas and extra clothes. I dressed with my running clothes beneath my sweats, gobbled up my strawberries and cream oatmeal and waited anxiously. My team - We Got The Runs - picked me up around 6:20.

We arrived and were given some guidelines. I was first. It was still dark outside.

At 7:00 sharp, it began. Out of thirteen runners, I was the sixth. About a mile into my run, I caught up to number five, Ben. Somehow we began chatting and we continued to chat for the rest of that leg. I realized a few things at this time: one, I am a much better runner when I have someone beside me and two: there is no such thing as pride while running. This complete stranger, who was good looking, was right beside me for three miles of panting, complaining and the very feminine act of spitting.

Before I knew it, we had run from the Provo temple to the Riverwoods, where it was our checkpoint. I made it! And...my calf was great, not a single part of my body hurt. I was so elated! I was going to survive this thing! Now the Wasatch Front Relay may begin.

Narrating the next eight hours would be boring, so I'm going to just highlight the exciting parts.

On her first run, sweet little Lucy had to run up this massive hill that I wouldn't run up unless Jo Dee Messina was running beside me...holding a gun to my head. As she approaches the top, we jumped out of the car to cheer her on. She gets closer and closer and we can immediately see that something is wrong. Lucy is sobbing, wailing and yet, keeping a steady pace. She runs quickly and slaps the hand of Claire, sending her on her way. She drops her ipod and crumples onto the ground in a ball as she cries "My pancreas!" Ignorant me had to smile at this, as I thought that she was just naming a random organ to declare the pain that that hill was. Well, she wasn't. Apparently she has a pancreatic disorder and running up mountains ignites pain that has been compared to labor pains. Ouuuuuuuch! After we filled her with bottle after bottle of water and probably too many ibuprofens, Lucy claimed that she was okay and that she would run her next leg.

So, when her turn came back around, we insisted that she take her phone (as she was going to be going up a trail on the side of a mountain so we weren't going to be able to drive by and check on her) and she complied. After she had been gone for a while, we tried to call and text her to see how she was doing. No response. We were getting nervous. Dan declared that he was going up there to find her. Right before he left, we got a message; a picture message.

Oh no big deal i'm just hiking a snow filled trail right now

So funny! Here we thought Lucy was dying on top of this mountain when really, she had stopped to take a picture and send it along.

A few other humorous events included Courtney being clotheslined by a tree because she was looking at me - and not forward - while she was walking. Another was when I saw Eric coming around the bend so fast and I wasn't ready for him. I threw off my blanket and stripped of my sweatpants so quickly that I lost my shoes. He touched my hand before my shoes were back on...so I began running with my heels stepping on the backs of them. Fortunately, my feet fell into place in the shoes and my second leg was looking good. Until it wasn't and I wanted to quit. But I had committed to myself that I wouldn't walk even a step of my legs and I didn't. I jogged so slowly that I'm positive any old walker with a walker could have passed me. Seriously.

Our team placed third out of thirteen and I would give all of the credit to the boys, who ran without training, without music and without complaint. They were wildly impressive.

Upon arriving home on Saturday night, we all showered and met back at my house for a showing of the very lame Letters to Juliet. We used this time to rolling pin each other's muscles and apply icyhot to every part of our bodies that ached. I thought I was in much better condition than my teammates as I didn't seem to hurt so bad.

Then Sunday morning came. I awoke and was surprised when my legs didn't move when my brain instructed them to. I pulled back my covers and though they looked like my legs, they were actually giant sandbags attached to me. I literally cried as I swung them over my bed and attempted to stand. So sore, so weak, so painful. I spent all of yesterday hobbling around like a little old lady that had recently received hip surgery or a double leg replacement; I was seriously that bad of a walker.

This morning was better, now I just walk like I have been riding a horse for the last three days. My cowboy strut is less painful and I can only hope for more recovery tomorrow.

Overall, it was fun and I don't regret it.

This is us about to cross the finish line at Temple Square. We went temple to temple to temple.

Here are the top four teams. We got third. Not bad, eh? The last teams were like TWO HOURS behind us. Geez louise.

Pain in my cow

2011-03-03T20:23:00.000-08:00

The lower part of my right leg is in pain, a kind of pain that may possibly prevent me from running my relay on Saturday. I seriously want to cry. I have been so looking forward to this relay race and if I can't do it (and I missed out on the secret surprise trip to Oregon), Imma be so upset.

Please, calf cramp and small squishy pocket in the back of said calf, please, please go away.

Our relay team's name is....

2011-02-28T21:21:00.000-08:00

We've Got the Runs

And our t-shirts look like this.

The boys' t-shirts of course are boy bathroom signs (arms look buff and skirt is not included). We did the bathroom signs 'cause we've got the runs...get it?

To my family, I am aware that this is very similar to our Runs in the Family title and I apologize, I didn't pick it. Rather, I really wanted to be called my own original name of Friends in Slow Paces but it didn't happen. Next time.

If there is a next time.

If I survive this time.

Saturday.

PS. Roster looks like this:

Lucy

Courtney

Claire

Eric

Dan

The Big B

2011-02-28T15:01:00.000-08:00

Today my girls were in school with their teacher, Brigette Degrey. Brigette wrote up on the board a warm-up question "What is your favorite movie?" Their answers....got pretty silly.

One of my girls in particular started to name movies that would help her get to know Brigette's life story. Then it went on. and on. As I heard her rattle off (with some help from a few peers) these movies, I couldn't stop laughing. Literal tears in my eyes.

I hope you enjoy these movie names as much as I do.

Confessions of a Brigette Degrey

Brigette to Terabithia

Degrey's Anatomy

Brigette On Again

Where Degrey Fern Grows

Sometimes, sometimes...I love my job.

ROOK

2011-02-21T00:17:00.000-08:00

You know it's a good game of Rook when in the middle of the round the person who took the kitty asks "What color did I say trump was?"

56 worst/best analogies of high school students

2011-02-19T13:20:00.000-08:00

Thank you bReyna, for this material.

These were my personal faves:

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

I felt a nameless dread, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either.

Go on Brynn, gloat.

2011-02-15T00:09:00.000-08:00

I have agreed to a relay race. It's tiny. Very small. I have two legs. One is four miles and one is three and a half. That's it. I'm not sure why I agreed to it.

Also, Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Scary Movie

2011-02-13T00:22:00.000-08:00

Last night I was babysitting overnight. I was hanging out with my friends Jane, Katherine, Caleb and Chris at the house. Of course, the babies were asleep so we were being quiet and just chatting. At 1:01 am, I got a phone call from a restricted number. When I answered, a strange and raspy voice breathed heavily "Check the front porch". He hung up before I could ask any questions.

A little freaked out, I (naturally) sent Caleb and Jane to the front door to inquire. There, they found a white envelope. Inside was a torn piece of paper with all capital letters stating

WELL DONE MY CHILDREN. YOU MUST FOLLOW ALL THE CLUES CORRECTLY OR YOU WILL SUFFER GREATLY. YOUR NEXT CLUE AWAITS YOU IN THE BACKYARD WHERE WE WILL BE WATCHING EVERY MOVE YOU MAKE. GOOD LUCK.

We quickly turned off all the lights in the house so that we could catch a glimpse of the intruders. We went upstairs and peeked through the windows, waiting to see someone drop a letter off by the backstep. We waited. Nothing. Another phone call and the voice breathed "Check the backdoor". I was astounded that they could have gotten it there without us noticing. And when I went, another envelope sat directly by the back door.

WE MEET AGAIN. THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING THE RULES. REMEMBER WE ARE ALWAYS WATCHING YOU. NOW PLEASE GET THE NEXT CLUE AT THE CORNER BY THE ROUNDABOUT. YOU ARE GETTING CLOSER TO MEETING US. A WORD OF CAUTION: BE CAREFUL WHO YOU LEAVE THE LITTLE ONES WITH...

I must admit, this one was a little more creepy. I mean, I knew that it had to be my friends but still! Caleb and Chris were volunteered for the job of running to check the corner while us ladies stayed perfectly safe in the locked house. They returned with the next note

YOU MUSTN'T BE TOO SCARED, FOR WE ARE KEEPING A CLOSE WATCH ON YOU. NEXT CLUE: YOU SHOULD CHECK A CAR OF YOURS; YOU NEVER KNOW WHO'S HIDING IN IT.
REMEMBER TO FOLLOW THE CLUES EXACTLY.

At this time, it's very late and Katherine has to leave but no, not right now. She insisted that they boys check her car. We sat on the couch in the front room and observed through the blinds, watching the boys open all the doors and even the trunk of her car. All clear. Katherine and Janey have to head out, as it's very late (and though she won't admit it, Katherine is scared and wants to leave the whole sitch) and Jane needs to get allergy meds as the cats are making her look like she is both exhausted and devastated.

So Jane and Katherine leave.

Chris and Caleb are running around the neighborhood investigating.

I am alone in the house.

Hello?

It's safe, the doors are locked.

Right?

Right.

The phone calls keep coming but no direction is stated. Mostly breathing or hanging up instantly. Chris and Caleb come inside and Jane returns. As we are about to give up, there is suddenly heavy knocking on the backdoor.

It was Courtney, Joey and Claire. Well done mates, well done. Almost scared us....almost?

P.S. If this had been a scary movie, Caleb and Chris would have been the first to die as they broke away from the group in attempt to hunt down the master minds. The men are dead, the ladies are left to fend for themselves. Katherine is next to go. This is for two reasons: 1. She proclaimed that "the stupid girl is always the one to die first" (I am not calling this girl stupid, as she is actually brilliant and can spell ANYTHING....but....it did take her a while to figure out the baby locks on the cabinet yesterday) and 2. She went outside by herself at one point. Dead. Now it's just me and Jane and the babies. The intruder gets into the house and gets Jane. She doesn't die but is injured. I have to be the heroine. I'm not being narcissistic, it's just the way it goes. I am the babysitter and I have to protect the children. So, the intruders in the movie are not my friends and they either die or the police come. Whichever ending you like.

Eliza's wisdom

2011-02-08T18:20:00.001-08:00

"I already know who I'm going to marry. Ben and me decided we are gonna get married. We are best friends so we are getting married. We play every day, sometimes at his house or sometimes he goes at my house. And we got the same hair. Our little girls will have gray hair, that's what Ava told me.

I asked him and Ben said 'yes I will' so he wanted to."

"Do you know who I'm going to marry?"

"I don't know who you're going to marry. But you gotta be friends. You gotta be friends first"

Videos

2011-02-08T14:24:00.000-08:00

People ask me if I miss Fiji.
Every day.

These boys were at an alternative school because they had been kicked out of their old schools for bad behavior. This school was the last chance for these boys. Oh, there were two girls. In the whole school. These kids were great. So sweet. And the song, yeah, it's beautiful.

This was my birthday video for Kenzie, but the children weren't so interested in singing along...

Wouldn't you miss it?

Weekend at the Cabe Inn

2011-02-07T06:28:00.000-08:00

I went to my friend Rachel's cabin this weekend. It was so much fun! Here are some highlights:

Locking Caleb outside of the cabin because he was throwing snowballs at me.

Being scared out of my mind about what Caleb's retaliation might be once he finally found his way in through the upstairs. The ride down from the second floor to the first (via fire pole) must have distracted him and he did not attack me in return.

These elk were so close to us and so beautiful.

Ice castles! These are built purely with the water released from PVC pipes. Awesome! Oh and the best part? Running into AMBER HONG while I was there! I seriously left with tears in my eyes, I miss that girl so so much.

Toys!

James and I decided that if I'm not married in December, he's the one. We are preparing here, obviously.

We made tacos for dinner, for the sole purpose of using the Lazy Susan on the table.

The natural order of things: the women made dinner and the men cleaned up.

Janey is sitting while Caleb is cleaning.

She is getting such joy from his despair.

Overall, very successful weekend. I LOVED IT!

The Ears of an Elephant

2011-02-04T08:24:00.000-08:00

I decided to make elephant ears with a few of my friends last night. About zero percent of them knew what an elephant ear was. What the what? They recognized them as scones but not elephant ears. Come on people, at the fairs they are called elephant ears. Who raised these people? They're called elephant ears, right?

Just to be sure, I googled pictures of elephant ears. I found these:

Then I googled pictures of scones and found these:

I'm right. They are not scones. Also, the incredibly accurate wikipedia told me that elephant ears are also called fry dough, fry bread, fried bread, doughboys, whales tails, tiger ears, pizza frita, and frying saucers. Frying saucers is my favourite because it's a play on words...and I love the X-Files.

I think I am going to run one of those stands at the fairs and amusement parks. Those people must make bank! It cost me about five dollars last night to make like ten and I had dough left over! If I were selling those suckers for like two or three bucks a piece, hello! Monies!

Who's going to help me? I'm going to need some people to boss around and get the grease burns while I sit around counting my money. Volunteers?

People

2011-02-02T23:14:00.000-08:00

For those of you who know me, you know how much I love people.com. It's where I get my most important information! The second more important information comes from fox.com (JUST KIDDING KIM), it really comes from cnn.com.

But get this! This is seriously like someone is playing a mean trick on me and they know I will never figure it out - since technologically speaking I do not belong in this generation, the iphone is frustrating for me. The joke is this: people.com doesn't work on my computer. The blue screen comes up and then my computer acts like it's all loaded, like all of the pertinent information and important pictures are there right before my eyes. False. Plain blue. The kicker? It works on other computers. I'm so distraught.

*I linked people.com, may it work better on your computer than mine.

The Butterfly Circus

2011-01-29T20:34:00.000-08:00

This a two part video on youtube. Altogether it's only twenty minutes. I feel like it's worth it and yes, I cried.

Ash and Jodi, I fixed it. I think.

Sister, here are the links. Obviously, watch the top one first.

Repost, thanks to Kim

2011-01-29T11:32:00.000-08:00

Originally posted over a year ago, I love it so much that I'm bringing it back. Thanks for reminding me, Shmim. Also, here is my master card number you can try it and see if it works on your heath portal if not then just. Sunday after thnksgiving. Nov 28th. Those are for you Keem.
Tricky tricky.

Tonight, our sister Kim texted both Kenzie and myself. She inquired what everyone was doing.
I sent her a response that said "Cam is on his computer, Todd is in the kitchen and I'm watching TV, Mom is talking to Grandma and Mak is doing cheeseballs"
Kenzie told her "Heather and Mom are taking Christmas stuff down. Todd is changing the oil in the car, Cameron is at work and I am doing laundry"
I then texted back "Nevermind, Cameron is at work. Forgot."
Kenzie sent another "Just kidding, Cameron is home now"
Kim sent us both "Stop it! Ha ha"

We didn't stop it. In fact, we continued.
Kenzie "For real though, Mom, Cameron and Todd are making smores in the backyard"
Me "Seriously, Kenzie and I are at the movies...Blindside. Come join us!"
Mom "I'm at Target with Ash's kids at the house with Kenzie and Heather is at the soup kitchen while Todd is mowing the lawn"
Kenzie "You should see Todd dancing like a crazy face in only his underwear and rain boots! Mom is video taping it, Cameron is making out with some girl on the couch, Heather is pepper spraying her own eyes and I am doing a puppet show with my socks to myself"
Heather "Tucker (the dog) is taking a bath with Todd. Kenzie walked in on them. She said it was gross"
Kim "I'm dying, you guys are killing me!"
Kenzie "I am building a snowman in our front yard, Heather is shaving her eyebrows, Todd and Cameron are trying to make their own air hockey table and Mom is going across a zipline in the backyard"
Kim "Ha ha, you guys are making me laugh!"
Heather "Todd is trying to prove to Cameron that a man of Santa's size CAN fit down the chimney, I'm peeling an orange, Mom is inhaling coke and Cameron is walking Tucker without a leash. Just with a saddle"
Kim "Ha ha, laughing pretty hardy!"
Heather "Cameron just locked Mak outside and I'm laughing while Mom and Todd dance to Neil Diamond who is performing...live"
Heather "Honestly, we're having a spaghetti food fight. Naked"
Kim "Hope you're recording it this time"

This made my Christmas vacation just a little bit more fun...not that it wasn't already.

Ann Taylor

2011-01-27T17:12:00.000-08:00

Tonight I went over to my friend Janey's house to chat. When I walked in, I saw that she was on the phone. I waited while she finished up her conversation. Finally she said "Okay, love you Mom, bye".

She then turned to me and said "Sorry, I was on the phone with my mom FOREVVVVVVER!"

In true sitcom style we hear the sweet voice of her mother saying "Janey, I can hear you"

Jane quickly shut the phone, embarrassed that she had been caught in the act. Only seconds later, she received a text that said "I could hear you moaning that you had talked to me forever! I didn't know that fifteen minutes is sooo torturous. And can I remind you that you called me and I was simply trying to help you with ideas."

Oh it was so funny!

Also, I have decided that I'm going to play the song "The Dog Days are Over" by Florence and the Machine at my wedding reception...because that's probably how I'll feel. Good news, when I get married - this year - there will be dancing at my reception! My sweet sister-in-law Kara has generously offered to pay for the reception as long as there is dancing. Done son.

Artist of the Month

2011-01-23T18:46:00.000-08:00

January goes to....

JO DEE MESSINA!

My girl is coming back! Maybe not back on tour....or back to awards show...or back on radio or CMT even...but back to my heart!

She has released new music through her trilogy Unmistakable and though I have yet to purchase it - do I really need to? We all know that I already know all the songs from seeing her live - I know that it's going to be great.

Plus, she has been dominating my itunes lately and she feels like home.

JDM, i love you forever and for always.

Shower Dew

2011-01-19T22:22:00.001-08:00

Today was pretty great. It included:

Working (not the best part of my day but the girls were great and said funny things so it eases the pain of waking up at 6 am to sit in school with them and occasionally argue about the need to floss)

Watching Nancy's kids. I held baby Helen - who is so so sweet - while Zacky was acting out the charade cards from Cranium.

Zacky describing a celebrity to me "He was a famous singer. He died when I was alive. He was Black"

me "I have no idea. Who?"

Zacky "Michael Jackson. And did you know that his real name was Billie Jean?"

After babysitting and talking TV with my cuz (I love talking TV with anyone but there is a certain amount of comfort that is brought when your own family loves television as much as you do) and being flabbergasted and flattered that she knows my birthday.

Ran home, which normally make me more likely to state that this was not a good day but for whatever reason, I'm enjoying running lately. I can't believe I'm admitting to this. This does not mean I will consider running Hood to Coast, it means that when I eat five cookies before bed, I don't hate doing a quick jog the next day to make myself feel less guilty.

Watched two episodes of 30 Rock. Thanks again Ash and Todd for Netflix. Seriously.

Jane came over and we went and got a Truly Awesome Vacuum. This Dyson made my bedroom so clean and pretty that I vacuumed the rest of my house and then vacuumed my room again. This probably makes me sound lame, which is cool (or not) but I'm not ashamed. I love vacuuming. Thank you Truly, for letting me borrow your Awesome Vacuum.

I drank a cold Mountain Dew in the shower. Perhaps you will judge me for drinking Mountain Dew or drinking in the shower but I assure you that both are good and together they are what made me realize that I needed to blog about my good day.

Got into my pajamas. At 7:30 pm. H yeah.

Jane came back over and with my roommates we watched Modern Family. A disappointment for me this week.

But then we rented Easy A, which was mildly inappropriate but pretty funny.

And now I'm blogging. Which is more fun for me to write than for you guys to read. Perhaps I'll be a writer. I'll right a book (I meant to write write like that cause I mean it. I won't just write a book, I'll right it) Possible ideas for a plot? Fiction or nonfiction? Will my readers mind my run-on sentences?

Fine, I will go watch more twenty plus ten stone.

All of college in one post

2011-01-16T17:36:00.000-08:00

So, while I was in college - that sounds super weird to say - I would take personal notes along with the class notes. When the class was over, I would tear those notes out and glue them into my journal. Here are a few treats:

February 3, 2006
Chatter in the classroom, no one is paying attention and I look to my right and this kid is eating pudding! He doesn't have a spoon, he's just sticking it up to his face and licking the inside. Me, Jill and the girl and boy in front of us have the giggles...I took a picture

March 8, 2006
Skipped last class because Mamba walked me home!" Mamba was a boy that I liked. His name was Taylor but since he gave me Mamba candies, that's what I started calling him. I remember that day. He walked me home and then I had to turn around and walk straight back up to campus. But it was worth it.

Sociology of Gender class
5:46 pm...Mexican Asian girl just burped!
5:50 pm...I worship the Prof, I believe and agree with everything that comes out of her mouth

Marie just said sea men, but it sounded just like semen! :)

5:29 pm...I just had my second Red Bull of the day and I think it's kicking in because I can't stop smiling and giggling at stupid things

October 31, 2006
Amber and I are being Egyptians tonight, again! It's gonna be so much fun...we LOVE being immodest - it's bitchin'! Happy Halloween!

December 13, 2006
40 minutes late...Thanks Jamie! (That one's for you, Mak)

January 15, 2006
First day of FOREVER class
*Some cute boys so I talked
*I'm gonna be social in here. Note to self: bring treats next time. Eat and make friends :)

January 17, 2007
5:58 pm...I love Hidden Valley Ranch dressing. Seriously.
5:59 pm...For dinner, do I want Pita Pit or Panda?
6:05 pm..I think I pick Pita.
6:06 pm...I slept for one hour last night. One hour. I have not been tired at all today and it just kicked in. I might die. I'm literally holding my eyes open with my hands
6:12 pm...I hate the boy that sits Northwest of me
6:14...No, Panda

Another day
5:22 pm...blonde boy hasn't spoken yet, but I'm already annoyed with him
5:27 pm...kid next to me, when describing his family said "My mom is his brother" lol
5:44 pm...my car hit 213,000 miles today
5:50 pm...I literally keep nodding off

February 6, 2007
6:11 pm...Holy Sh**. I was going to leave after the test but I decided to stay, which was a darn good idea because the professor ordered pizza! Now that I think about it, the test wasn't that bad - I can't help smiling. 10 damn pizzas :)
6:17 pm...Only guys have gone up for seconds, I wanna go! I'm very hungry!
6:20 pm...I wonder what would happen if I just grabbed a box and walked out...
6:24 pm...Sweet damage! A girl finally went up for seconds and the professor for thirds...
6:27 pm...Got more. Pizza...not even that good. But, oh, so good!
6:33 pm...Joy of pizza is gone. I want to go home.
7:11 pm...Cold pizza is so much better than warm pizza. Mmmmm
7:40 pm...Also, I really don't like the guy that touched my back that one time.

February 27, 2007
6:00 pm...I'm falling asleep. And my tummy is growling.
6:10 pm...I hate blonde guy. Very much. He makes stupid ass comments and then insults other people's
6:13 pm...Seriously, he should be brutalized and murdered.

Another day
3:04 pm...My knee hurts very badly because I was dancing in my room and I knocked my knee on my bed. I seriously can't walk.

Marion D. Hales was a surgeon who had to get across town to perform an emergency surgery. One his way, a man in a brown leather jacket forced him to get out of his car and stole it. The dr finally got to the hospital but the little girl died on the operating table because he was too late. He went into the waiting room to tell the parents and saw that the man in the brown leather jacket was her dad.

January 24, 2007
Larrabee and I aren't listening to all these thumb-suckers and their naive, biased, ignorant, boring and useless comments.

6:04 pm...I'm texting a lot, listening a little.

January 22, 2007
4:21 pm...Today Mak informed me that there was a pig in my kitchen

My professor just called America 'the bastard nation'

This really sums up my college experience because I was always hungry, never slept enough and hated people who made comments in class.

Temple Grand in Provo

2011-01-15T13:21:00.000-08:00

I saw Donny Osmond today, doo dah, doo dah

He was at the temple with me, doo dah doo dah day

No, I didn't say hi

Because I was too shy

He was with his son, who is such a small fry

In other news, I rocked at a game of poker last night. Fortunately for me and my friend Dan, we were cheating. Because of this, I was able to take the whole fortune of candy presented before me. It was fabulous and so much fun. Nothing is greater than when I whisper to the person beside me "Let's cheat" and his response is "Of course".

Thank you Dan Thuet and all the losers who thought they could beat my artificially achieved Flush while playing Texas Hold Em. Oh yeah.

Pikchurez

2011-01-12T20:40:00.000-08:00

Before I post the random pictures taken while I was at home, I must tell a quick story about one of my girls. She is kind of quirky and responds better to quirky people. Thus, when I want her to wash her hands, I tell her to wash her paws. She loves it! She also loves when I tell her to brush her tusks. I mean, it works like magic. She thinks I'm brilliant or hilarious or on the same level as her and thus, does whatever I'm asking. Yesterday I told her to brush her hair. She turned on her heels and said "you mean, my mane???"

Cookies!

Hard at work. Duh.

I was trying to be artistic...

Kim was interrupting that. Obviously.

She is ready for a fight! Or is she about to flip me off? Hard to tell.

Um yeah, she whips her hair back and forth.

My sisters. My pride and joy.

Kim, hot.

Almost as hot

as this!

What drugs were we on?!

Whatever they are, we clearly like them.

Pretend drunk, but something is telling me that Court is not pretending...

Classic.

Has he changed his face at all? He has been pulling those poor chubby cheeks down to the floor since they started taking pictures. I would like to see an after picture, where his face is all pink and his eyes are bloodshot. Silly boy.

Tonight, tonight

2011-01-04T00:57:00.000-08:00

I have had a cold for the past week or so and it has resulted in sore throats in the morning, a disgusting nose throughout the day and some energetic coughing.

Tonight, I began coughing. It was a productive cough, if you know what I mean. I go into the bathroom and hover over the sink - in retrospect, I don't know why I was doing this over the sink instead of the toilet - and the coughing continues. Here it comes and it's up! I spit the mucus into the sink (is this story too graphic?) and look down. It's beet red.

Oh my gosh.

Come to think of it, my throat does hurt.

I'm coughing up blood.

How many episodes of Grey's Anatomy have I seen with a patient coughing blood ending up dying?

Don't be ridiculous I tell myself as the red spittle leaks from my mouth.

The crimson glob stares at me from the porcelain sink.

Then I realize

I have been sucking on a cough drop. Halls cherry to be exact.

Two thousand eleven resolutions

2011-01-02T00:44:00.000-08:00

I hope that my title was as deceiving as I wanted it to be. I was trying to be clever or something. But no, I do not have 2,011 resolutions. Instead, I have six.

They are....

Wait, before I tell, I should probably state that I SURVIVED the year of hell/no desserts or candy. If any of you remembered that I was doing that...heaven knows that I remembered! At 11 pm on New Years Eve (I got to start at 11 because I started it last year midnight in UTAH which is an hour ahead :) I ate cheesecake, some icecream and an icecream sandwich. They were delicious.

Anyhooter, my resolutions for this year -in no particular order- are....

1. Eat out no more than two times per week
   My love for eating out= not good for my wallet, not good for my body
2.No more eating after 10 pm
   My love for eating late at night=usually eating out, so see #1
   Exceptions to this if I'm starving and I literally have not had the opportunity to eat for hours
3. Exercise 2x per week
   This should be easy....
4. Read scriptures every day
   I'm actually very good at this but I want to continue to do well.
   I also wanted a resolution that wasn't going to be hard but I would succeed at.
5. Attend the temple every week
   I'm also good at this. Once again, the other resolutions are hard so if I fail them, I'll be okay
   because I'm already doing well in my other ones. Is that cheating?
6. Get married
   My niece Eliza predicted that this was my year. I hold her responsible if I fail at this one.

2010 Album of the Year

2010-12-31T10:43:00.000-08:00

You all knew it was coming.
I cannot emphasize enough how wonderful this album is. Every song is great. Every. Song.

You need it.

2010-12-20T23:24:00.000-08:00

Machine Gun Sara Bareilles Kaleidoscope Heart [+digital booklet]
Gonna Get Over You Sara Bareilles Kaleidoscope Heart [+digital booklet]
Say You're Sorry Sara Bareilles Kaleidoscope Heart [+digital booklet]
Stuck Like Glue Sugarland Stuck Like Glue
King Of Anything Sara Bareilles Kaleidoscope Heart [+digital booklet]
All We Are Sugarland The Incredible Machine Country
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas Colbie Caillat
Kaleidoscope Heart Sara Bareilles Kaleidoscope Heart [+digital booklet]
Hold My Heart Sara Bareilles Kaleidoscope Heart [+digital booklet]
Sort Of Ingrid Michaelson Everybody
Gray or Blue Jaymay Autumn Fallin' Singer/Songwriter
You Are the Only One I Love Jaymay Autumn Fallin'
Uncharted Sara Bareilles Kaleidoscope Heart [+digital booklet]
Me and Your Cigarettes 2:26 Miranda Lambert Revolution
The Light Sara Bareilles Kaleidoscope Heart [+digital booklet]
Magic B.O.B. Sea Que
Mountain And The Sea Ingrid Michaelson Everybody
Let The Rain Sara Bareilles Kaleidoscope Heart [+digital booklet]
Tonight Sugarland The Incredible Machine Country
Find The Beat Again Sugarland The Incredible Machine
O Holy Night Martina McBride White Christmas
Time to Get a Gun Miranda Lambert Revolution
Tennessee Christmas Amy Grant A Christmas
Valentino Diane Birch Bible Belt
Dream Kitchen Hans Zimmer The Holiday

Here it is. In order. The Top 25 Most Played on my itunes. However, I would like to state that I don't believe it's COMPLETELY accurate. It only records when I play it on the computer, but I assure you, in my car, it is Miranda Lambert that dominates my ipod.
But this does go to show how wonderful I find Sara Bareilles and Sugarland's new albums. Do not overlook them. They are fantastic! And by they, I mean Sara's is. Sugarland is good but Kaleidoscope Heart is a big contender against Revolution for Album of the Year in my book. I will determine it by the end of the year, obviously.

If you don't have it, I'll get it for you. If you want it, I'll get for you. If you want new music, I'll get it for you. I find it necessary for everyone to be cultured to my musical likes.

2010 was a wonderful museeq making year.